Another year, another fresh round of fuckery to celebrate (denigrate?)! As a legendary emcee uttered during a visit to #DXHQ a few months back, “Hip Hop done jumped the shark,” and no year in recent memory champions that mantra more than 2014. This round of 365s gave us elevator fights and musty-mouthed-THOTs; self-castrations and Slowbucks. So after you prepare that next heaping portion of Turkey Day excess, revel in the 2014 HipHopDX Turkey Awards, our ode to all the madness, irreverent behavior and WTF moments Rap served up this year. Gobble, gobble, bitches.
The Sharkeisha Award
Solange Knowles
Whether Jigga man actually was getting too cozy with Dame’s ex at the Met gala or Solange just flew into some kind of infantile rage is unclear, but we’ve never seen a guy handle a “Sharknado” attack in an enclosed space with that much nonchalance before. There were so many other questions, though. Beyonce just shifted her dress as she wondered what work-out schedule she was on the next day. The bodyguard simply stopped the elevator and waited for Solange to turn back into a person. Then, of course, there was weeks of blowback. Jay and Bey… Were they getting a divorce? Millions of #basic women all over the world who put their chips in this one celebrity relationship were about to lose hope. It was going to be a catastrophe. Also, did Jay send goons after the mystery hotel employee that slipped the video to TMZ? There are so many unresolved questions. What isn’t unresolved, though, is that we thank Solange. Here’s to you for causing the uproar of the year, and for having a devastating right hand. You’ll be our favorite non-unlockable Mortal Kombat character now, forever and always.
AD LOADING...
The “Where Dey At Tho’” Award
T.I. & Floyd Mayweather & Nelly
Floyd Mayweather may be undefeated in the boxing ring, but he isn’t faring quite as well outside of it. In May, he got into an altercation with T.I. at a Las Vegas Fatburger over, ahem, T.I.’s wife, Tiny.
T.I. was reportedly upset that his wife was spending time with Mayweather, something that became all the more absurd once 50 Cent threw his two cents in the ring. In July, Mayweather dropped a haymaker at a press conference when he was asked about T.I. “I fucked the bitch,” the boxer said at the time. “I was fucking his bitch. Moneymaker gonna make it do what it do, baby.” T.I. and Tiny denied that Mayweather had been intimate with Tiny, though Tiny seems to be the only one of the two ultimately qualified to make such a claim. Mayweather may have emerged from that fracas victorious (if there is a winner in such a contest), but he definitely would be considered the loser in the next bout.
AD LOADING...
The undefeated boxer and former lady Miss Jackson had broken up, potentially because Nelly had her dropping down and getting her eagle on with him. 50 Cent injected himself into this purported love triangle in July. That’s when he posted a picture of Nelly and Miss Jackson that Nelly had posted on Instagram. The caption of 50 Cent’s post read, “Nelly put this up @floydmayweather DAMN da nigga really took your lady Champ. It’s @missjackson birthday. Smh.”
That was a blow below the belt and potentially crippling, but Nelly delivered a flurry of verbal punches before delivering a knockout punch of his own: “I don’t have a beef with Floyd Mayweather,” Nelly said, also in July. “I think the whole thing is misunderstood. I try to understand where he’s coming from, which is a little hard to do. But it’s just one of those things. He is who he is. He’s one of those people that I don’t think likes the word “no” said to him. I think if anybody does that, that’s what gets underneath his skin a little bit. But I don’t know. It’s kind of hard talking to a guy who hasn’t graduated from high school.”
The OJ Simpson Award
Suge Knight
Suge Knight has been shot at least three times in his public life. A bullet reportedly grazed his dome during the infamous 1996 drive-by shooting in Las Vegas that claimed the life of the legendary Tupac Shakur. Knight took a slug to the femur in 2005 during Kanye West’s pre-MTV Video Music Awards party at Miami’s Shore Club. He later sued the venue and West for $1 million in damages, but that’s neither here nor there. Then on August 24 at another VMAs pre-party—this time in Los Angeles, this time hosted by Chris Brown—Suge was shot six times. TMZ cameras caught the controversial mogul propped up on a police car outside of West Hollywood’s 1OAK reeling as he waited for the medics to arrive. He told TMZ 10 days later (’cause bullets ain’t shit to Suge) that he doesn’t really care who pulled the trigger, something that should be tatted on every Teflon Don.
AD LOADING...
Suge’s accustomed to handcuffs also, Since 1996, Knight’s been arrested for everything from drug and aggravated assault charges to driving with a suspended license to his latest, most head scratching accusation: Allegedly stealing a camera from a “celebrity photographer” (which is a way too nice of a way to say “paparazzi”). According to a press release filed by the Los Angeles County District Attorney, Suge Knight stands to face 30 years to life in a state prison due to prior convictions. The TMZ video of the incident oozes unintentional hilarity, much like the motif itself. Here’s a slippery 50 year-old man who’s been shot multiple times and hasn’t died; arrested multiple times and always ends up back in the mix. And after all of the notorious thuggery, Suge now faces 30 years to life… forstealing a camera. Only OJ Simpson could commiserate.
The Convenient Feminist Award
Azaelia Banks
Azealia Banks has no problem standing up for herself. She just wants to know why T.I. laid down when Snoop Dogg came barking at Tip’s protege Iggy Azalea. This beef stretches back to at least March 2012, when Banks made her mark, calling T.I. corny when he defended Iggy Azalea, with whom she was feuding over the Australian rapper’s use of the term “slave master” in one of her raps. Fast forward to June 2014. The Grand Hustle honcho called Azealia Banks a “musty-mouthed thot” who is “unimportant” and “ugly,” among other non-flattering things after Banks called T.I.’s wife Tiny “mediocre,” a shot at both the one-time Xscape singer and T.I.’s single with Azalea that was well-played, if nothing more. As a “wordsmith,” T.I. should have at least given Banks credit for that. Imaginative slights aside, Banks got truly irked when no one (read: the White media) seemed to care that Tip threatened to push Banks, who, like T.I., happens to be Black, down a flight of stairs. (Though T.I. is slight of build, we imagine he could actually turn the trick, Banks’ feistiness notwithstanding).
AD LOADING...
But those same allegedly absent pundits seemed to be up in arms when Snoop Dogg dissed Iggy (who is White, for those keeping score at home), posting a biting Instagram post about her appearance sans make-up. Thus, Banks took issue with a Black man (T.I.) and a White woman (Iggy Azalea), but didn’t appreciate it when the same Black man (T.I.) failed to come to the defense of the same White woman (Iggy Azalea) when a different Black man (Snoop Dogg) blasted said White chick.
For a woman who made the song “Miss Camaraderie,” Banks appears to have no problem attacking women and warring with men. Just don’t let a different man diss the woman she was arguing with the original man about in the first place.
The “Just Visiting” Award
Iggy Azalea
Jay Electronica famously said, “You sound real good and you play the part well, but the energy you giving off is so unfamiliar.” And that’s been Iggy’s single greatest knock: That she’s profiting off Hip Hop as a visitor. It’s like she’s in her videos mouthing in between lines, “Just passing through.” And so it took one of the OG’s of the Rap game to come for her head in what is (for Hip Hop) the most lighthearted way possible. It’s what we do to each other. We rib, we cajole, we take aim and bear down on your most glaring weakness. We grew up doing it. It’s engrained in Hip Hop culture and the wider culture at large, so when Iggy had a chance to roll that off her back and clap back, but didn’t, she turned things into something way larger than they needed to be. Think pieces were written about misogyny and racialization in Hip Hop.
AD LOADING...
Everyone was attacking Snoop for getting at Iggy, but in Hip Hop, that’s actually a show of respect. And, oddly, no one mentioned Iggy’s destruction of the line “I’m the realest,” which can never be said again by any rapper with a straight face. She called the Dogg Father out on Twitter, he came back with more Instagram posts and the pseudo-beef was on. It finally ended when T.I. stepped in for his artist, but here Iggy had an opportunity to crack a joke back, get a laugh and endear herself to the Hip Hop public. Instead, she chose the visitor route. She eventually got it, costuming (for Halloween this year) in the Snoop joke he dropped on her head like an atom bomb when he referenced White Chicks. But, Iggy, c’mon son. You had a chance to show you could roll with the punches, instead you proved that chip on your shoulder was as big as your hit single.
The Thirteen Minutes & 57 Seconds Award
Bobby Shmurda
Bobby Shmurda rose to fame when Vines of his “Shmoney Dance” from his video “Hot Nigga” went viral. People all over the world were taking clips of the dance and making videos over classic R&B tracks. The dance, which resembles one of a drunk Jamaican, actually became more popular than the artist himself. Fast-forward to now, Bobby Shmurda is now signed to Epic Records and has just released an EP entitled Shmurda She Wrote. He followed up the success of his hit single “Hot Nigga” with “Bobby Bitch,” where you can catch him in the video grinding and winding his hips, which we pray to the heavens above won’t be the new dance craze.
AD LOADING...
The big question is what was Bobby Shmurda doing before his Vine clips? It’s a challenge to find any old music. Oh, wait, get this, back in October, Bobby took to Instagram to complain about how he wasn’t getting paid by his label for all the shows he had been doing. But don’t you think it’s a little too early in the game for you to air those problems publicly, kid? With artists getting dropped from their labels left and right, do you think Bobby Shmurda will last? Or is he just another cash cow for the moment? That fifteenth minute is rapidly approaching. Tick… Tock…
The I Got Beat Down On A Tuesday Award
ILOVEMAKONNEN
Riddle me this: How does your bodyguard trip over you, fall face-first off of a stage while spilling champagne all over you and your sequins hoodie, all in an attempt to protect you after already failing miserably to do so? Yes, ILOVEMAKONNEN’s bodyguard gets the Worst Bodyguard Of The Year Award. Back in October, ILOVEMAKONNEN was attacked while performing “Tuesday” on a Tuesday. Ironic? He was performing at SOBs in New York when an audience member pretended to shake his hand, pulled him to the ground and pounded him repeatedly… on a Tuesday! MAKONNEN took it like a G and kept performing, though. Hopefully for him, that was his bodyguard’s last day on the job.
AD LOADING...
The Male THOT Of The Year Award
Jefe Wine
Is it Jefe Wine? Or is it Hefe Wine? We’re not sure, but Google either and you’ll find the same thirsty series of thottishness. Here are the Cliff Notes: On September 11, TMZ reported that Vivid Video boss, Steve Hirsch said he’d seen clips of what appeared to be Iggy Azalea getting really intimate with an ex-boyfriend. Apparently the video was so real it could “easily top Kim Kardashian’s legendary sex tape in sales.” Houston-rapper Jefe (Hefe?) Wine copped to co-starring in the home movie, but says he didn’t leak the video. Rather, his laptop was stolen, and since it’s already out there, he’d like some cash if the video is released. Of course he does. He then said he and Iggy have a great relationship and that she will appear on an upcoming single. Iggy denied the existence of a sex tape at all.
Check this though, four days later, Jefe Wine unveils an alleged contract Iggy signed in 2009 providing him with exclusive rights to “manufacture, sell, distribute, and advertise ‘any’ recording embodying visual images.” Along with music videos and singles, Wine claims the contract also covers… wait for it… sex tapes! He also said he planned to create a website to market the alleged sex tape. Feel the thottishness creepin’ on uh come up yet?
AD LOADING...
Two days after that, I-G-G-Y sued Hefe Wine over forgery and data stolen from her laptop which she said he planned to use in order to create new music. Almost a month later on October 11, Jefe Wine filed for divorce from Iggy Azalea, claiming that the couple “agreed to be married, holding themselves out as man and wife and began residing together in the State of Texas on or about September 2008.” Jefe also said they stopped living together in 2013 and since Texas in a community property state, he would be entitled to half of everything she earned during that time. Half. Hefe, have some pride.
The Better Call Saul Award
Wiz Khalifa & Amber Rose
Not really sure who should be the turkey here, Wiz “purple rain” Khalifa or Amber “I twerk when my man wins” Rose? The way the whole thing went down, the side-eye was being projected over a long range like Sauron looking for the great ring. No one’s obligated to put their business in the street, but Wiz claims he was unhappy and already broken up with Amber before he ended up in bed with twins. Though, anyone who can get sisters to pop-off deserves a special award of one’s own. Amber alleges that they were on the rocks, but were still working things out. It could have just been miscommunication, right? Unfortunately, miscommunication with someone with those kinds of options means you walk in on him and he’s already got two-quarter pieces in matching slips kissing him on the cheek. As Kanye said (even though he didn’t take his own advice) “we want pre-nup!” And Wiz has one. Though, if anything goes down (there’s kids involved) there’s an affectionately sleazy fictional lawyer he can call upon to get him out of a jam. And you have to wonder, what does it take to get a person tired of someone that fine?
AD LOADING...
The Leave The PCP Alone Award
Andre “Christ Bearer” Johnson
In the year’s biggest WTF moment, news broke that Northstar member, Christ Bearer used a serrated steak knife to cut off his dick and balls, then jumped off a balcony in an apparent suicide attempt. E News reported that the Wu-Tang affiliate “cut off the tip of his penis first, then removed his testicles and the remainder of his genitalia.” Police found the remains of his penis upstairs. This actually happened.
Here’s what CB told the NY Daily News:
“Doctors didn’t reattach it, but I definitely have some penis left. I always say a penis is a penis. And the sensation is still there. I definitely still get extremely aroused if I see a beautiful woman. That being said, I definitely believe sex is for mortals, and I am god. So this is a blessing, not a curse. I was lucky I was only on the second floor. If I was any higher, it would have been a tragedy…”
Bruh…
AD LOADING...
Then he looked strung out on PCP when he told TMZ that he was waiting for RZA to release Northstar’s next album and that he planned to do porn. Then this video surfaced of him joking about it all during a standup comedy sketch in North Hollywood last month:
Clearly this Turkey doesn’t need a punchline.
The Malibu’s Most Wanted Award
Tyga
Let’s answer a few questions, shall we? What do strippers do? They (sometimes) dance and (almost always) take off their clothes in front of (usually) complete strangers, who then (more often than not) pay them. A certain subset of strippers, at least according to rumor, will do other things if you pay them additional monies. So when Lil Durk rapped this summer, “What do strippers swallow? Maliah, Blac Chyna, just don’t tell Tyga,” it’s a safe assumption the Chicago rapper wasn’t talking about their cough medicine, though the implied substance may have a similar consistency—at least initially. Problem is, though, that Blac Chyna was Tyga’s girlfriend and-or fiance at the time Durk dropped the lyric.
AD LOADING...
This exchange came after Lil Durk targeted Tyga on Meek Mill’s “Chiraq (Remix)” and Tyga fired back with the Game-assisted “ChiRaq To LA.” But when you date and plan to marry a stripper, certain things must be assumed, particularly that others may take cheap shots at your relationship.
Then there’re the, um, sticky allegations that have dogged Tyga about his heritage. Being from Compton, California, or, the Valley; being raised poor, or being raised the opposite.
So as Blac Chyna was dissing him on social media, allegedly, Tyga scooped up reality personality, author and model Kylie Jenner as his new lady. Well, are the ladies under 18? ‘Cause Jenner’s 17. Like, she’s barely 17—as of August. So when Statik Selektah said in October that “Tyga is the real life Malibu’s Most Wanted,” it was the equivalent of a written meme. Tyga came off more like a cub. Maybe Jenner still likes stuffed animals.
The We Swear They’re Not On DX Payola Award
Suge Knight, Tupac, Eminem, 50 Cent & Pretty Much Anyone Remotely Connected To Dr. Dre
If it’s seemed like we talked about Aftermath a lot this year, it’s because there was a lot to talk about it. Dr. Dre became a billionaire (that was cool). Suge Knight gave a slurred dissertation on how Tupac is alive (that was super cool to watch). Tupac’s All Eyez On Me went diamond, a Broadway play using his music as a centerpiece failed miserably, and a police officer on the scene where he allegedly died claimed that his last words were “fuck you.” Eminem rapped about raping Iggy Azalea (among other things). 50 Cent left Shady/Aftermath, went indie, reunited with G-Unit, and threw shade in every direction in which Floyd Mayweather moved. Stat Quo said Jimi Iovine called Dr. Dre’s Detox squad “the greatest practice team of all time.” DJ Speed said Dre is releasing a new project in 2015 not named Detox. The N.W.A. biopic wrapped. Joe Budden mentally collapsed during a Rap Battle. Crooked I changed his name. If it was Aftermath related, our audience clicked en masse, which makes sense. In 2014, All Aftermath Everything stayed doing interesting shit.
AD LOADING...
The “Hannnnnn????????” Award
French Montana
Back in July, during an interview with New York radio station Power 105’s Angie Martinez, French Montana stated that he believed that Hip Hop is “confused” right now and that “all lyrical rappers I know are broke.” He adds, “The ones that make it an issue. Jay can hop on either/or. Just like I can do either/or. I just feel like you gotta make people enjoy the music.” Wait…what? French, please take several seats in the corner somewhere. Then he said that Bobby Shmurda was “the hottest new kid that just came out.”
Last time we checked, “lyrical” artists were selling more records. Check this, Lecrae, a Christian rapper, sold 88,000 copies in the first week with his album Anomaly. In just two months, he sold another 103,000 totaling to 191,000. Oh but lyrical rappers aren’t making money right? Let me remind you that French Montana’s 2013 album Excuse My French did 56,000 in first week sales and only another 38,000 in the next month totaling to 94,000. Oh and get this, French did those numbers with THREE chart topping radio singles—“Aint Worried Bout Nothin,” “Freaks” and “Pop That.” Another example of a lyrical artist selling more than him is Def Jam’s new artist Logic. With no radio singles, the Maryland rapper managed to sell almost 73,000 in the first week and almost another 23,000 in the next month. So please Mr. French, please explain how you, with THREE radio singles you managed to sell less albums then these two lyrical artist who arguably have way smaller names than you do? Oh but we forget, lyrical artist are broke. Carry on.
AD LOADING...
The Public Enemy #1 Award
Peter Rosenberg
Chuck D stands as one of the most important figures in Hip Hop history, his work with Public Enemy, which started in the 1980s and continues today, among the most innovative and significant the genre has ever produced. So when Hot 97 radio personality Peter Rosbenberg dissed Chuck in June, it was as if Rosenberg was exposing his own ignorance.
“Chuck, what are you doing to support this culture besides Tweeting confusing messages in 140 characters or less,” Rosenberg said during a The Realness segment. “Are you going out to shows? ‘Cause we’re all at shows booking new artists every single day. Working with them. Getting them on the festival stage, getting them on the main stage, and building artists. What are you doing? ‘Cause if all you’re doing is trolling on Twitter, you ain’t doing that much.”
AD LOADING...
Um, let’s get to some #FactsOnly, Rosenberg. As of 2012, Public Enemy had performed on 85 tours in 86 countries, for those keeping score.
Then there was the whole The Hip Hop Gods Classic Tourfest Revue Chuck D orchestrated and hosted in 2012, a national jaunt that featured Brother J of X Clan, Schoolly D, Son of Bazerk and Wise Intelligent of Poor Righteous Teachers, among others. If Rosenberg is unfamiliar with said acts, a simple Google search would, indeed, confirm that they are all rappers and that they have, thanks to Chuck D if no one else, indeed performed on stages.
Chuck D, Jay Electronica and Star were among those who blasted Rosenberg before Rosenberg himself apologized. “Saying anything disparaging publicly towards Chuck D, that was not okay,” Rosenberg said. “For that Chuck, I am truly sorry.” He should be.
The Lost Ones Award
Dame Dash
This year, Dame Dash has been opening up about a few things. He’s spoken candidly on the fall of Roc-A-Fella, his financial situation, and the music industry executives that he considers “culture vultures.” Now, calling someone a money grubbing sell-out is not without precedence in Hip Hop. Hardly. But, attacking executives directly has been something we haven’t seen a lot of recently. It was refreshing… then. Was Dame in some kind of zen place with it all and using his lucidity to shine a light on the people we should have all been paying attention to in the first place? Or was this some kind of distraction from his own situation? The answer is probably somewhere in the middle. There’s no doubt that Hip Hop profits when artists feud. These flames bring moths from far and wide. This is why wrestling still exists. But when your own partner, friend and former artist calls you a culture vulture it muddies things. Dame portrays Jim Jones as a petulant child, putting missives like this on Instagram:
“Real Harlem niggas never fight each other and never disrespect each other…not under any circumstance…we have to much respect for each other we only wanna make money and get fresh…. We stay as far away from that insecure tough shit as possible…all the tough shit is embarrassing… And doesn’t reflect us…we only wanna promote positivity and sticking together as a culture….”
But what does it say about you when those closest to you think of you what you think of the opposition?
AD LOADING...
The Lil Mama Award
Slowbucks
So you force yourself through a crowd of people who are not necessarily your friends so you can stand on stage with a group of people who are only kind of your friends, and you blissfully expect nothing to happen? No, that wasn’t how your High School homecoming went down. That’s what Slow (co-owner of clothing brand Slowbucks) did when he decided he wanted some Lil Mama level shine on the Summer Jam stage during the G-Unit reunion. Glory was not to be found that day, however, after he got his chain snatched and was “jumped” by unknown assailants.
Some say Slow had it coming after he posted a picture to Instagram of himself with Fif’s estranged son. Fifty soon got wind and had a message for the rapper turned entrepreneur. What set of events, then, led you to find yourself on stage with someone who considers you at best an enemy and and at worst someone to swat like a fly at what was essentially the G-Unit reunion? From this side it looks like he knew something was about to go down and chose to put himself in the line of fire. That’s silly, sir.
Happy Thanksgiving From All Of Us To All Of You!
AD LOADING...
Sincerely,
HipHopDX
