Former Bad Boy rapper G-Dep is currently facing life in prison if found guilty for a murder he committed in 1993. Speaking with XXL, he explained why he turned himself over to authorities after years keeping silent.

“It was an ongoing thing. It wasn’t one of those things where I said, Okay, I’m going to just do it. I was thinking about it for a while,” he said. “That day, I did an interview for this public-access show. Right after that, I decided to just go ahead to the precinct. I remember, in the precinct, when everything transpired, [the police officer] gave me a phone to call my daughter’s mother. I was like, ‘Yeah, I’m going to have to go down for this, go through the system and all of that.’ So that was the first taste of just realizing that it’s a wrap.”

He felt that his crime was always haunting him and that he couldn’t continue with his life without admitting his wrongdoing. “I felt like I was going to go through the same thing again—being happy, enjoying food and family—and I still didn’t handle what I thought I needed to. The reason why I probably did that at that time is I wanted…I couldn’t really continue to move on. I couldn’t move on and keep trying to satisfy myself if I didn’t deal with that.”

G-Dep also reflected on his substance abuse problems. “I remember, one day specifically, I was in the house and just looked at my surroundings and everything, and it just felt like I was a whole other person. I think that was probably the worst I got, just letting it all go,” he continued. “I think I really didn’t pay attention to the profession I was in. I kind of always was trying to medicate myself, trying to feel nothing. I knew I had a job to do, and once.”

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