Reel To Reel is back for its third week of video reviews, as Onyx strikes black, Flo Rida teams up with porn’s e-Harmony and Eminem pisses off the FCC “for old times sake.” Much more.

The Good:

“Black Rock” by OnyxDamn it feels good to have Onyx [click to read] back. With all the candy-assedness going on, Sticky, Fredro (and where the hell is Sonny?) seem 100% Mad (pun-intended). “Black Rock” is a glimpse of the Hollywood-by-way-of-Queens boys’ new Rock-induced sound. They’ve got themselves a sexy-ass deejay, and a sound that reminds us why “Korn and Limp Bizkit soft” (except for DJ Lethal, peace to La Coka Nostra). This video uses that annoying Waking Life / Charles Schwab commercial animation in a way that doesn’t suck. Of course the look is black and white, it’s “Black Rock” and the red X is just reminding you why Onyx got that ill eye for design that holds up to their entrance 17 years ago. How many groups got as much energy after that long as these dudes. Fuck Mad Money, these dudes got money and they still mad!

The Bad:

“Touch Me” by Flo RidaYou’ve gotta respect Flo Rida‘s hustle. This “Touch Me” video apparently world premiered on AdultFriendFinder.com. And honestly, a Flo Rida song is a lot less bothersome when it’s just background music for a semi NSFW vid with a bunch of broads in various states of undress. Of course, if you’re trolling around on AFF looking for a discreet side piece, then you already know that. A smart business move for an ugly single. We can only assume Nelly was sitting courtside, watching the Charlotte Bobcats get blown out again when he heard about this. “Tip Drill pt.2” anyone? Damn, dirty, he stole your idea again!

The Ugly:

“Bag Music” by USDAPrior to yesterday, I had no idea what the fuck a Aaliyah Maria was. Young Jeezy [click to read] and USDA [click to read] are apparently up on strippers more than your boy, because they cast this Toronto “entertainer” to the video for “Bag Music.” So much could be said. Please make no mistake, Miss Maria is far from ugly, but it appears that softcore pornography is the new uninteresting rapper blueprint, ask Deuce Poppi two weeks ago [click to read]. This video makes few want to check any further for USDA, but the song [click to listen] and watching this bodacious woman unload trash bags of (some obviously fake) money onto the screen and then cover herself in it just might be a win. Jay-Z [click to read] and Biggie loved the dough, but the dough must love this broad.

The Live:

“BET Hip Hop Awards Cipher” by Mos Def, Black Thought & Eminem The BET Hip Hop Awards were basically a coming out party for Gucci Mane [click to read], which is either a great or a horrible thing depending on what kind of (T)rap music you like. If you’re the type who has just resigned to using air-quotes for the “Hip Hop” when referring to the BET Hip Hop Awards, then the three cipher segments were a welcome breath of fresh air during a show that became more stale than that three-year-old Black & Mild stuck under your passenger seat. The general consensus around the Internets is that one Marshall Mathers killed a cipher that also featured Black Thought and Mos Def (who was actually rapping instead of singing) in top form. In fact, word on the streets is that the FCC would like to have a word with the higher ups at BET for letting Em get away spitting the following bar, “My dick is so big if I add another inch to it / You would swear when I raped you that you was actually into it.” None of the verses were proper “freestyles,” but fast forward to the 2:25 mark and enjoy it for what it is.

The Interview:

Dante Ross – “Remembers Ol’ Dirty Bastard Pissing On LL Cool J’s Platinum Plaque”

The “Stimulated Dummy” is Rap’s best A&R, evar. If it wasn’t for his work with De La Soul, Brand Nubian [click to read], KMD [click to read], Digital Underground and others, it’s his ill stories. Don’t believe us? [click here]. Here, Dante’s video jump-off Hip Hop History 101 goes to Chinatown, where Ross (no relation to Rick) says that back in the Elekta years, Ol’ Dirty Bastard proved once more to be worthy of his name after he felt disrespected by Chris Lighty in a studio session. The sad part is, while one of James Smith’s platinum plaque’s may have gotten the Kellz treatment, Cool J wasn’t even present. In hindsight, although ODB sounded great alongside Kelis and Mariah Carey, I can’t quite hear even LL at his grimiest, alongside Ason Unique. Please tell Dante to keep ’em comin’, and start up a label again, because lately, these label A&Rs lack the minerals and vitamins.