Previously on “What You Didn’t See At The BET Hip Hop Awards”…
The Gotdamn Editor-In-Chief landed in Atlanta for the BET Weekend. The bad guys (also known as www.HipHopDX.com) are up 5 to nothing and T.I. just got arrested hours before the awards began. The Jena 6 were stuntin while Phonte was “Too Intelligent”. Elsewhere, Melyssa Ford proved her body is out of this world but Angel Lola Luv is trying to go out of the universe. The event is ready to begin but there’s one problem…
“What do you mean I need a ticket!?!?”
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How would The Gotdamn Editor-In-Chief get in? Is “What You Didn’t See” a thing of the past? Would Kanye piss and moan about not winning another award? Will everyone “Crank Dat Soulja Boy”???
*curtains raise*
So here I am, Andreas Hale, The Gotdamn Editor-In-Chief of the bad guys (aka HipHopDX) standing in front of two brolic mu’fuckas looking like a dickhead with no ticket. Meanwhile, our photographer, David Goodson, has manipulated his way into the event and is posted up. How will I get in? Dove from Allhiphop got her ticket at the last minute through some unknown hookup and there’s no way that they can get in and we can’t…right?
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So I work my way into the BET Production office at the Civic Center and ask anybody who looks like they have a clue how I could get my ticket and get in. Apparently don’t nobody know shit. The event is getting ready to start in 10 minutes and I’m about to get the illustrious “balls on my forehead” treatment. I talk to a young lady who says “Oh…HipHopDX…I love yall site!” *Score another point for the bad guys! “But I don’t have anything to do with tickets” *And a fucking 6 point demerit for the bad guys*. We’re down kids: -1 to 0!
She tells me that a last ditch effort is to go down to the security office and tell them Joy sent me. So I bounce on down to the security office when another n*gga who has been waiting to say “NO! N*GGA! NO!” all night licks his chops as I begin to say…
“Ayo, I’m with HipHopDX and Joy sent me to come down and ask for…”
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“Who?”
“Joy”
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“Nah…who you with?”
“HipHopDX”
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*pause as he looks at my badge*
“Oh shit! HipHopDX? Man, I wouldn’t have given you the time of day but ya’ll my favorite site…”
Say word! He waves me along through a hallway and continues talking about how long he’s been down with DX. He even mentions he’s an AHH defector and has found the holy grail of news, audio, mixtapes and editorials at DX. As he finishes giving props, he opens a side door which leads to a seating section right above the celebrity seats. He says “there you go homie” and drops me off in some exclusive section to the left of the stage.
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SCORE A KABILLION POINTS FOR THE FUCKING BAD GUYS!
Winner and New Champion…HipHop-mu’fucking-DX!
I would shout dude out but I don’t want to get him in any trouble but he knows who he is. Good lookin out!
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As I settle into my seat I hear on the loudspeaker “please be seated, the show will be starting in 30 seconds…”
Yessir we are in there, now on with the show!
Kanye West kicked off the show with a bang as he rocked the house with “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” and “Good Life”. Surprised to see Kanye doing the show and 50 Cent nowhere to be found. Ah well…
Katt Williams hosts the 2nd annual award show and delivers yet another humorous opening speech. He touches on a few topics such as 50 and Kanye battling without violence and giving thanks to all the white people who continue to buy Hip Hop. He concludes with a video displaying how Hip Hop has spread its influence around the world. Pretty interesting stuff that set the tone for the rest of the night.
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Common and T.I. tied for “CD of the Year” which surprised damn near everyone in the building. Judging by how the last awards went, everyone just knew T.I. was walking away with this one. At this point it is evident that not everyone knows the whereabouts of T.I. as Common accepts his awards and acknowledges T.I. “wherever he is.”
The first of the many ciphers are shown and Lil Mama actually surprises by ditching the “Lip Gloss” kiddy shit for something a lil more rugged. Thank God!
The self proclaimed “Greatest Rapper Alive” sucked the crowd in with his performance of a new joint (from what I’ve been told the song title is “Gossip”). Pretty passionate shit here as he methodically rhymed his way through the set.
What you probably won’t see?
When Weezy finishes, he throws the mic down like it bit him, slammed his jacket to the ground, launched his shades and walked off the stage like somebody called his moms a bitch and he simply wasn’t having it. Then he went and hugged his kids and Baby (no kisses though). I don’t know what to make of it but I know BET had a mic to pay for.
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David Banner gave a rousing speech about Hip Hop and let it be known that even he can “Be like a pimp and still address the President.” Taking a stance on all the negative attention Hip Hop has been getting, Banner received a standing ovation from the crowd. To top things off, Banner displays a Michael Vick jersey and you know that since we’re in the “A” that the crowd went absolutely ape-shit.
Moving along, a video was shown about a real criminal – Foxy Brown. I didn’t really know what to make of it but when Katt came back to the stage and said “Great job police, nail Foxy Brown but Bin Laden is still running around,” the crowd erupted in laughter.
The return of Nelly was next and while it was good to see him perform “Shawty What Your Name Is” and “Go Lil Mama” you gotta wonder if anyone really cares about the St Lunatic anymore. As one celeb in the crowd said to me “You are now witnessing the downfall of Nelly.”
Common wins yet another award (has hell frozen over?) for “Lyricist of the Year”. I’m starting to feel like he’s getting the Denzel Washington treatment (Should have won for Malcolm X or The Hurricane but ends up winning for Training Day). All good though, just happy the brother won something.
Hurricane Chris did his “Ay Bay Bay” thing while Lil Boosie, Foxx and Webbie rocked the shit outta the crowd with “Wipe Me Down.” I don’t even like “Wipe Me Down” but when Boosie gets to spelling his name, the crowd LOVES that shit. I wonder why they shared sets though? Maybe because they both only have one big song?
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Another cipher was shown with Stat Quo and Phonte absolutely slaying it.
The most interesting moment of the night was when T.I. was to perform “You Know What It Is” and “Hurt” but obviously when you are being detained by police, shit changes in a hurry. So instead, Wyclef and Busta Rhymes joined the rest of Grand Hustle for the performance. Katt Williams stood in as T.I. and proceeded to do some push-ups. Pretty funny shit but what would T.I. do? Busta murdered his part in “Hurt” but it must hurt him carrying all that damn weight around. How the hell did he get so damn big? Anyone? I mean he was swole when? Last month? Now he’s like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.
“Free T.I.P.” rang out but I guess you gotta be T.I.P. instead of T.I. to be caught buying guns when you know good and damn well that being a rich black man makes you a target for the feds. But I digress…
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Michael Eric Dyson delivered a monologue that had the crowd on its feet. I couldn’t possibly articulate what Dr. Dyson did by antagonizing and defending Hip Hop in the same breath. You gotta see it to believe it.
Common performed “Driving Me Wild” and put it down with some honeys flanking him. Never thought of Com as the type of dude to have mad chicks around him like that. He looked rather uncomfortable in the “Go” video. No difference here.
Cornel West introduced the recipient of the “I Am Hip Hop Award” – KRS-1. The Blastmaster graciously accepted his award and notified the crowd of his new “Stop The Violence” movement along with tossing the idea out that another “Self Destruction” joint must be done. I agree.
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When did “Duffle Bag Boy” get to be such a big fucking record? I didn’t think much of it when I first heard it but when Weezy and Playaz Circle performed it live? That shit BANGED. Wayne lip synched the hook but he looked so into it that nobody really cared.
Sidenote: I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if he does any drugs outside the residential negro drugs (weed & a lil extacy). Weezy being drug free is like Tevin Campbell being married – I just don’t fucking believe that shit.
When Kanye West won the award for Best Hip Hop Video for “Stronger”, everyone was relieved. Mr. West can’t lose again or he’ll flip. But in a most humble moment, Kanye took his award and began to mention how even though he gets upset that he doesn’t win, he also knows when he shouldn’t win. He proceeded to give the award to UGK and Outkast for “International Players Anthem”. Big Boi, Bryan Barber and Bun B took to the stage and Big Boi took the award but graciously gave the award back (maybe he read on the award where it says “Kanye West for ‘Stronger'” which wouldn’t look too fly sitting on his shelf). Definitely a noble moment by both parties. Who says Kanye doesn’t have a heart?
Finally the Jena 6 approached the mic to present the people’s choice award after being introduced by Katt Williams. Yeah, these guys…
When one of the Jena 6 began to shout out family members, Katt Williams had to cut the youngster off “N*gga…I didn’t say we was giving shout outs!” he joked. Man look, I know its a Hip Hop Awards show and all but the way those boys looked will definitely give the detractors something to talk about. How about a “Free Mychal Bell” shirt or just something more casual. There’s a time and a place for everything…
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What better way to close out the show than fucking Soulja Boy with the most retardedly simple yet extremely catchy in a “why the fuck do I say YOOOOOOOOOU for no reason” way with “Crank Dat Soulja Boy.” Who knows if you’ll see it on television but every gotdamn body was doing the Soulja Boy. Everybody. Kinda creepy watching grown ass men and women hop across the Civic Center like some jackasses. But I suppose it was all in good clean fun. Better to “Crank Dat” rather than “Shoot Dat” or “Kill Dat” right?
So there you have it, the “What You Didn’t See At The BET Hip Hop Awards.” I was impressed with the award show for once. Usually these things suck but for what it was, it actually is worth watching. So if you get a chance on Wednesday October 17th (or the 10 million other times they’ll replay the show until next year’s event) go ahead and check it out.
