When we last left off, TJs DJs was in full swing and the Bad Guys were busy getting healthy dosages of Southern Hospitality while keeping it Vanglorious with a few Failed Missions. The Zookeepers (cops) infiltrated every possible event but the only incident thus far had been Lil Boosie’s stomp out of some aspiring chain snatcher at Club Glo.
It’s the day before the Ozone Awards and the last day for TJs DJs conference. All has been pretty peaceful thus far at the zoo. The day begins with a phone call from Derrty Ent’s Blu Bolden who asks the Bad Guys to visit her room for a fresh pair of kicks. It only makes sense that Nelly’s newest single “J’z” come fully equipped with a Jordan campaign. Free Jordans = VANGLORIOUS MISSION + 1! Great way to kick off the day!
Asylum would book a suite during the weekend to allow media an opportunity to sit down with a few of the labels artists. The suite was filled with free Corona and Heineken which is the perfect breakfast beverage. Paul Wall would enter the suite first and talk with DX about the recent situation when an erratic email stating that he had been shot and killed had surfaced.
“I don’t know how it got confused to being me but I was just so shocked that my homeboy got killed,” he explained. “I got so many calls from people thinking that it was me, it really threw me for a loop.”
Paul mentioned that numerous websites asked him to blog about the situation. Although reluctant because of the notion of being insensitive to the situation, Paul knew that he had to let people know he was alright.
“It let me know that so many people have so much love for me.”
A healthy looking B.G. would come through shortly after and discussed his upcoming album on Atlantic titled Too Hood to be Hollywood and how T.I. was instrumental in bringing B.G. to Atlantic [click to read].
Back in the conference area the Producers Panel was taking place. TJ Chapman and Dereca Davis moderated the panel that featured the likes of Jim Jonsin (Lil Wayne “Lollipop”), J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League (2 Pistols “She Got It”), Mouse & BJ (Webbie “Independent”) and others offering useful information for all those trying to get their foot in the door on the production side of things.
While the panel was great, there was a distraction that really caused the average Joe to forget what the hell was going on.
See, shit like that makes it all worth the while [VANGLORIOUS MISSION +2].
At this point, the Bad Guys split up as Anthony Springer returned to the Asylum suite to catch up with Youngblood Sean Paul while I had a chance meeting with former EIC of The Source magazine Kim Osorio. On my way to meet up with Ms. Osorio, I suddenly realized that Bun B had been following me everywhere. Nah, not really but Bun was in so many places that weekend that it sure felt like he was on my tail. Bun easily was the hardest working man this weekend, outside of Julia and TJ.
Speaking with Kim Osorio – who is currently with Russell Simmons newest venture, Global Grind – was one of those moments when you realize that you are in the presence of a big part of Hip Hop history. Kim gave me a sneak peak of her book Straight from the Source. While I won’t give away much, it definitely is a must read for those who are really trying to understand what happened to the Hip Hop Bible.
After leaving Kim, my phone began to blow up. Text messages, aims and phone calls seemingly came all at once and when I finally snagged a text it read the following…
“DJ Vlad just got fucked up by Rick Ross”
Holy shit! It finally popped off.
The funny thing was, there were NO zookeepers to be found! As a matter of fact, upon my arrival at the hotel, you would never have thought anything took place. So why were there so many zookeepers around if they weren’t going to do their job? Good question with no answer. [FIGHTS +1, COPS -1}
Prior to the artist panel, I began to notice just how many fat chains there were swinging about. It really made me wonder just how in the blue hell can EVERYONE afford one of these diamond studded chains. I mean, seriously, all of you aren’t making that kind of loot. And if you are, shame on you for spending it on a dumbass chain instead of an education or a marketing budget. It’s just like Uncle Ruckus said on The Boondocks, “It’s like someone threw a million dollars in the monkey cage at the zoo, it breaks my heart.”
Look the part but don’t play the part right?
While scouring the lobby area, I noticed one interesting thing…
Oh the irony! How are you going to have a song called “Chain Hang Low” and you have the most modest gotdamn chain of them all? Maybe Jibbs realized how silly it is to spend your life savings on a necklace or maybe Jibbs just doesn’t have bread like that to be throwing money around.
At any rate, the artist panel sponsored by Drank was up next. Hold up, what exactly is Drank you ask? Well it’s the new hood energy drink silly! And get this…it’s PURPLE! You know how us negroes like grape drink right? *sigh* [SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY +1]
While shaking my head in disbelief, I was reminded why I should try some of that good ol’ Drank.
“Gimme some of that!” [VANGLORIOUS MOMENT +1]
According to DX’s photographer, Anthony Springer, Jr., “The shit ain’t half bad.”
After the panel, we dashed 12 miles across town to catch up with Young Jeezy for an interview before he was to take to the stage for a concert. After getting what I like to call “the balls on the forehead treatment,” we sat, and sat, and sat some more by Jeezy’s dressing room waiting for The Snowman to emerge and give DX an interview. Fuckery would ensue and Jeezy would arrive a grand total of three minutes before his set and would dash straight for the stage. DX gets it in, but we ain’t nobody’s bitch so we dipped. [FAILED MISSION +1]
Instead, we were dropped off at Bar Rio for the Grand Hustle Takeover featuring everyone except T.I. performing. What it would become is a glorified talent show featuring some really dope acts (B.O.B.) and some people we could give a monkey’s crap about. One rapping gal had a nipple who apparently wanted to rhyme with her as it kept surfacing to keep us men interested in what she had to say. She tried to hide it, but we know the nipple wanted to come play.
All while this was going on, we were served drinks by these ladies…
While you may think it would be another Failed Mission, some shit went down that I really can’t describe. I’ll just ask you to CLICK HERE to see why this turned into a VANGLORIOUS MISSION +3!
*parental discretion is advised*
Yeah…it went down. Now that’s how you end a show!
It was now 3am and it seemed like the night was over. The Bad Guys were ready to turn it in and get ready for the Ozone Awards. Upon arriving at the hotel, it was apparent that the zoo animals weren’t ready to call it a night just yet.
Core DJs‘ Tony Neal was entertaining a few video cameras as we conversed with some people around the hotel lobby. Contemplating our next move we were distracted as one of the scariest animals this side of the Houston Zoo made its way to the lobby.
Yes that’s a fly swatter in his hand
Yes, that’s a diamond fly that is squished on his fly swatter.
And his name?
Professor Hoe Tester.
*basks in the pure ignorance*
[SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY +3]
After gawking at this clown for a good 20-30 minutes, we remembered that there was a suite party at some location that I can’t even recall. So the Bad Guys hopped in a cab in search of this mystery party. Arriving outside of the hotel suite door, we stood and contemplated why it was so quiet at a so called party after the party. I mean, it was quiet like we was about to get murdered upon entry. Like they were waiting for us. So we stood with another journalist and a couple of Core DJ models and tried to figure out if knocking on the door would bring instant death. Somebody in our entourage knocked on the door and dipped out of sight as my dumbass stood there as the door slowly creaked open. Some skinny broad glared and shouted “We don’t know them! Close the door!”
Just as I was about to toss up the two fingers and exit stage left, a gentleman walked up and welcomed us to the party. We followed up two flights of stairs to a rooftop area that looked really nice with a great view of Houston. However, it looked like zombies were partying on this night as a game of tonsil hockey was going on in one corner with a simulated sex dancing session plodded along on the other. At least the liquor was free. We snatched up a couple of drinks and just watched this strange party go down. Wasn’t no way we were joining in this mess. After a few free (and strong) drinks, we decided to leave before things got weird – as if they hadn’t already.
Back at the hotel we noticed how shameless some of this promotion can get. Aspiring rappers didn’t give a flying pelican’s nutsack where they would put flyers. Not only were some of these things not very creative, they just ended up in the oddest places like…
Crack is wack. Hanging from a tree. Wrong for so many reasons.
[Southern Hospitality +1]
And that’s how day three ended. Was it a Vanglorious Mission? Nah. But not a Failed One either. We’ll just act like it didn’t happen.
The day of the awards are here and we just know that its going to be the big one as the morning kicks off with a Bar-B-Que sponsored by Def Jam. With patrons like these walking around…
Who the hell could complain? [VANGLORIOUS MISSION +1]
Right after that, it would be time for the red carpet of the award show. To call the red carpet a fucking nightmare would be giving it too much credit. Imagine, if you will, a sweltering summer afternoon as photographers and journalists crowd a small area trying to jockey for position. Got that in your head? No w also imagine screaming fans occupying that very same area. Pretty shitty situation. While I’m interviewing Shawty Lo, I have some 30-something year old fan of Hurricane Chris yelling “You so damn sexy with them beads!” in my left ear while another 18-year-old is trying to feed me lousy questions in my right. The shit just flat out sucked. Not to mention that everyone and their mama was allowed to walk the carpet and act like they are somebody. This would result in weed carriers asking me what was up with an interview.
“N*gga…I don’t even know you!”
The nuttiest southern act by far was Haitian Fresh. With about 20 people in his entourage including this guy…
They would bark at everyone within striking distance why we should take notice. One thing is for sure. I won’t forget they loud asses anytime soon.
After the crappy carpet situation, it was time for the awards. After some lingering difficulties that kept us out in the heat for an extending period of time were cured, we were greeted by this wonderful sign…
Ok… so the most dangerous things you can possibly think of is guns, knives and video cameras? Come on… throw a piece of glass or a hand grenade up on there to keep it consistent.
[SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY +1]
Usually, at this point, I’d give you a run down about how the press room and the awards went. But when entering the press room, we found out it looked more like a high school lunchroom filled with people “networking,” fake ass journalists posing next to real ones (since when does a video camera make you a journalist anyway?), and rappers cooling out. Ah well…may as well chill and watch the show on the…HEY…ain’t not gotdamn TVs in here to even watch the show! So not only was there no area to interview the artists as they won their awards, there wasn’t even a way to tell what was going down at the show.
Contemplating the fuckery that was taking place, the Bad Guys were interrupted by some even more fuckery happening about 10 feet from where we were standing.
“Mike Jones just got his face punched in!” [FIGHTS +1)
The lunchroom…errrr…press room emptied like when you were in school and the one kid would yell “Fiiiiiiiight” at the top of his lungs. We all saw Mike Jones standing there with blood filling up a white towel as security was late to his aid. Not knowing what exactly went down, we noticed a whole bunch of goons hopping on their cell phones which signifies one thing if you’ve been in these situations before: IT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN!
We’re Bad Guys and all, but we aren’t stupid guys. The zookeepers began filling up the venue at a ridiculous rate and the show would be delayed. So what did we do? The only thing smart people do when things are about to pop off…go eat!
We would be joined with our folks from Global Grind and XXL for some decent Italian food while we waited for things to cool off. As we headed back to the building, we noticed a parade of police and a ghetto bird (helicopters for you suburban kids who have question marks above your head) swarming the venue. One happy redneck zookeeper was almost too excited to tell us “Time to go home!” as it looked like the KKK was about to make mincemeat out of the entire southern Hip Hop contingency at the Awards. [COPS +4}
Long story short, that was pretty much the end of the night. We didn’t see the Awards, but gathered info from the artists in attendance as well as the fans [click to read]. I heard it was a hodgepodge of good and bad and I’ll leave it for you to judge when it airs on MTV.
So let’s take a final tally for the weekend
Days 1 & 2: Southern Hospitality +1, Vanglorious Missions +2, Failed Missions +3, Cops +1, Fights +1
Days 3 & 4: Southern Hospitality +6 , Vanglorious Missions +8, Failed Missions +1, Cops +3, Fights +2
Total: Southern Hospitality +7 , Vanglorious Missions +10, Failed Missions +4, Cops +4, Fights +3
All the fights were by rappers so you can’t really say it’s the Southern folks that don’t know how to act. The zookeepers were really a pain in the ass. Southern Hospitality was filled with Nigga Moments that should keep us all talking. We failed a couple of missions but when things were glorious, they were truly VANGLORIOUS. So while we all may lie and say “I ain’t going back to that bullshit,” we know that we will all see each other again next year for yet another weekend filled with chaos, women, rappers and fun.
Say what you want about the south, but regardless of the zoo or the perceived ignorance that many predispose it with, the south stands united and is keeping Hip Hop’s heart beating – whether you like it or not.
Photos By Anthony Springer Jr