Kevin Gates has long been vocal about his past trauma and mental health struggles, but the Baton Rouge rapper got even more vulnerable during a recent appearance on the Big Facts podcast.
Sitting down with Big Bank, DJ Scream and Baby Jade, Gates opened up about the time he planned to commit suicide in December 2020, something he had kept private until now.
“I’ma say something on this interview that I’ve never said before. December 10th through the 12th was the hardest for me [last] year,” he revealed at the nine-minute mark.
“I disabled my Instagram … See, I don’t do the, ‘Man, I’m ’bout to kill myself!’ I don’t want no attention. I was going the way of the samurai. Just smash myself because I was to the point I ain’t wanna live no more.”
Before deactivating his Instagram account, Gates threw a birthday party for his young daughter, Islah, in Cabo and posted a video of him holding and rocking her, believing it was going to be his “last time seeing her.”
Delving into what drove him to the point of suicide, Gates admitted he didn’t feel “celebrated” at home and the emotional trauma from his past was weighing heavy on his shoulders.
“I wasn’t happy,” he explained. “As men, when you a provider and you not feeling like you being celebrated in the proper manner, you feel like you only being tolerated … when I was in the streets I used to hate going home because I feel like I wasn’t welcome there. Y’all act like I’m just doing what I’m supposed to be doing.
“We so busy being tough and harboring all these resentment and emotions and the shit we deal with. That pressure was on top of my head. I was like, ‘Man, I quit.'”
Kevin Gates Admits He Started Rapping As Refuge From Child Molestation
After writing “everything” down in a suicide letter, Kevin Gates — a fitness fanatic — hit the gym for what he planned to be his last ever workout.
“I had a raw letter that I wrote about everything,” he recalled. “I was just saying, I don’t regret nobody I ever stepped on; if I did, your momma ain’t raise you right. I wrote about how I’ve been in love before and had my heart broken. How the first woman to ever break my heart was my mother, and the only woman to ever love me was my grandmother.
“After I did that, I went in the gym, worked out, took a shower, put all my jewelery on. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, ‘Say Dick [the nickname his grandfather gave him], it’s time to stand on that business. Ain’t no more talking.’ So I was like, ‘Yeah, let’s go get it done.'”
On his way out the gym, the Luca Brasi rapper bumped into a fan and fellow gym goer who ended up saving his life.
“White boy walked up on me — kinda big, I see him in there a lot. He said, ‘Can I approach you?’ He like, ‘Man, your music the only thing that make this crazy world make sense.’ I was like, ‘Man, the world’s a cruel place. Trust me, I know.’
“He was like, ‘Man, I was worried about you because you had disconnected your Instagram and your Twitter. The world needs you because your music done kept me from committing suicide so many times.’ I say, ‘Listen, I swear to God, right now I’m ’bout to go push my shit off. You the only one I’m telling.’
“You know what that dude do? He cried and he grabbed me and he said, ‘If you do that, so many people gonna take their own life ’cause you all we got.’ This show you how God work through people. I said, ‘You know what? I guess I’ll stick around a while.’ I’m still just playing, I do my little proper voice when I’m being sarcastic.”
The fan’s heartfelt speech convinced Gates to “give it three days,” during which time he traveled to Puerto Rico — where his mother’s family is from — and stayed off social media. Both of those things helped him reconnect with himself and regain a sense of happiness.
“I ended up going to Puerto Rico and was like, ‘Man, my grandmother’s spirit everywhere. She proud of me. Anywhere I go, the streets love me, the slums love me,'” he said. “I had built it in my mind that don’t nobody fuck with me. No, the world love me! But you would get on Instagram and be like, ‘Man, don’t nobody fuck with me.’ But that’s not true!
“When I disconnected my Instagram and stopped making comparisons to my life and other people’s highlight film, and just started living for me and really appreciating the good things about myself and love what you have and have all that you need and really engaging with myself and the world… That’s what really shook me all the way.”
He added, “This may help somebody. If I only help one person with my story, with everything I’ve been through, then I’ve served my purpose.”
Kevin Gates Says Men Shouldn't Ejaculate During Sex & Instead Practice 'Semen Retention'
During an appearance on Mike Tyson’s Hotboxin with Mike Tyson podcast in July, Kevin Gates opened up about his tumultuous and abusive childhood, revealing he’d been sexually abused as a kid and sought solace in music growing up.
“It was an escape for me,” he said. “I grew up real, real violent and real aggressive. Not because I wanted to be, but I was molested as a child. So, I had this fear of being vulnerable. I took every kind of martial arts you could take. I even boxed; I did everything.
“I wanted to be the toughest person on earth. But writing and making music was always an escape for me. I never had the nuts to come out and say that. This is my first time saying this today.”
Major props to Kevin gates for sharing his story and finding the mental strength to continue on. Suicide is obviously real, we have to make sure people don’t do it. Mental health is very important in this day and age. No one should be ashamed to seek help.
Cap, no one goes to the gym if they’re actually going to commit suicide, this was for attention.
Please shut up. You have no idea how many people planned suicide for weeks before they actually did it. Yet another loud and wrong fool on the internet.
Lol you don’t know me. You wouldn’t know if I’ve had suicidal thoughts before. All I know is that people don’t go work on their bodies before killing themselves. He may have had suicidal thoughts, but a lot of people with suicidal thoughts would never actually do it. This is just cap. Like he goes to see his daughter “one last time,” but it’s the random fan in the gym that “saves his life.” Like he cares more about how his suicide affects some random person than his own daughter? Like what? This is just bullshit and insulting towards families who’ve actually lost people to suicide
Nothing he said was uncommon dude. You’d be amazed how many people have stories where someone randomly approached them and said the Lord told them to. You’re speaking from thought not from experience. And this is from someone who stopped listening to him years ago because of his antics.
You don’t know if I’m speaking from thought or experience because you don’t know me. He casually told some random at the gym that he was about to go commit suicide. Like what? If you do that in public, you get committed and put on suicide watch, so if someone is actually going to do it, they don’t tell anyone because they don’t want anyone stopping them. It was for attention and self pity. This is not a suicide attempt, it is suicidal thoughts, so the title of this article is insulting towards people who have loved ones who have actually attempted.
He said he told some fan at the gym that he was about to go commit suicide. If you do that, you get committed and put on watch. People who are actually going to do it don’t tell anyone because they don’t want to be stopped. He had suicidal thoughts, it wasn’t an attempt, so the title of this article is insulting to people who have actually lost loved ones. And you really don’t know what my experience is, we’re strangers.
You sound crazy?
Sybau
Takes a lot of courage to open up about mental illness. Even with society starting to raise awareness there is still a tremendous stigma attached to it, especially if your a man. If you’re suffering from mental illness and contemplating suicide, please get help. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Much respect to this man.
Damn dude needs to surround himself with different people. Because there is actually some amazing folks out there. He said he didnt feel celebrated at home. Its crazy because his family/ whoever he supports probably taking it all for granted if they aint letting him know how much they appreciate what he has done for them.
Plenty of ways to kill yourself, stop the cap and attention seeking shit. Gates been lame.
No one actually wants to kill themselves they do it cause they don’t see another way out so they prolong it hoping to find one. You clearly are still a kid.
Fool, how you an expert on all things suicide but you still alive? Slap yoself
Never been suicidal but I’ve met people who have been. When you get out your mom’s basement you’ll be amazed at the things you learn.
Man, this story raw as hell. Ain’t really peeped Gates music but I’ll check it out if it has that effect on people. Much love to all those who gone through it and going it through it now. Tough place, tougher people.
His earlier music is better IMO but he’s always been open about depression and heroine addiction.
No one who was actually going to commit suicide talks about it. Fake ass gates just hopping onto the mental health culture.
Kevin fakes is that why you named yourself after Kevin but last name fakes because you faking on him like you really don’t want smoke from Kevin or his team. I’m just saying.
He actually has a bullet in his head on the first attempt. So Sybau
hey gates is fukin dope hes speaks his mind