“You can’t even cook a hotdog or pour a glass of milk / you’d rather walk around with plastic coats over your head in the rain looking for a coach bag and a moschino belt / you need to see how McDonalds feel / stop lookin’ around like you Supafly and Ron O’Neal / I’ma let you know how the beef in the quater pounder is real / now go get your autograph and take a picture with the cheeseburglar / let’em know how you got your hair done / and youre moving like you are pregnant this month with your Belly sticking out like the movie and soundtrack / you dressin’ up with diamonds to eat / don’t even finish your plate complete / when the bill come you try and act like you don’t see the receipt.“
You know, if there an emcee that is funnier than Kool Keith, I haven’t heard him. Granted, Eminem runs a close second but he is lot more personal these days and a lot less ridiculous. While Spankmaster is far from Keith‘s best album, it could very well be his funniest. The best examples of this hilarity would have to be “Drugs” and “Maxin’ In The Shade.” “Drugs” is a fictitious song about Keith doing various hard drugs with people ranging from Chaka Khan to James Brown, allow me to qoute, “Tie my arm up the night between shows / takin’ soda tops off of soda pops / I used to be up all night smokin’ weed in the livin’ room with the Four Tops / makin’ collect calls back home to my pops / my little brother said ‘Keith you need to stop!’ / I knew something was wrong when I gave away my VHS and sold a pair of my socks.” If the chorus doesn’t put a smile on your face, than this album probably isn’t for you.
“Blackula” is a great change of pace on the album as it far more upbeat than any other track to that point. “Jealous” should be required listening material for all radio deejays as Keith describes that industry’s problems in his own way. Other stand out tracks include “Haters,” “Eldaradoe’s” and “Girls In Jail.” The sound of this album lies somewhere in between Lost In Space and Matthew, the beats usually consist of heavy synthesizers to create a slow spaced out sound. All the beats are done by Keith, some with the help of Esham. While the production can get a little mundane and repetitive it doesn’t faze the listener too much because his lyrics demand so much attention. I found myself so engulfed in his hilarious braggadocio and demented tales that I really didn’t let the beats bring down the listening experience. As a die-hard Keith Thorton fan I was satisfied, with lines like “I hate to be arrogant… but I am,” how couldn’t I be?
