The two men accused of killing rapper Chinx (real name Lionel Pickens) in 2015 had their first day in court on Tuesday (January 16).

Among those inside the courtroom at Queens County Criminal Court was Chinx’s widow, Janelli Caceres-Pickens.

While speaking with New York’s Fox 5, Caceres-Pickens spoke on the feeling of being in the courtroom with the men accused of killing her husband.

“It gets harder and harder every time just to literally stare someone in the eyes and not be able to say anything,” Caceres-Pickens said. “It’s hard, it’s hard. A lot of emotions run through you.”

Quincy Homere and Jamar Hill, the two men accused of killing Chinx, have both pleaded not guilty.

Despite the emotion of it, Caceres-Pickens plans to attend every court hearing.

“It’s just a waiting process. It’s an emotional roller coaster — you come in, you have to see them, you have to face them,” she said. “The feelings just run through you all over again.”

In December 2017, well over two years after Chinx was shot and killed in Queens, Homere and Hill were arrested and charged with second-degree murder, second-degree attempted murder, first-degree assault, and second-degree criminal possession of a weapon.

The two accused are scheduled to be back in court in February.