In the letter, the jailed rapper recalls his first night behind bars and how he spoke with two younger inmates who have already been through serious suffering in their lives. He also touches on how signing autographs in jail makes him feel uneasy and reminisces on his father.
Read the full letter below.
My first night here was crazy inmates screaming, banging, and kicking the doors calling the male CO’s bitch ass niggas & faggots telling the female CO’s how they gonna fuck em, throwing plates of food out their cells onto the floor LOL. WELCOME TO THE GREEN MONSTER! This type of shit would never happen upstate at best you’d be in the box for a month at worst the infirmary. I even got into it wit these stupid niggas trying to assassinate my character talkin about I’m snitching to the guards and that I’m getting special treatment. I barked on these niggas and set em straight cause as a man there’s only so much you can take before you snap. At first I tried to ignore there lil comments until they started talkin shit like they gonna kick my door and all this clown shit. But the funny thing is when I started screaming on them lettin them know they got the wrong nigga they got excited it was like that’s what they wanted to bring the hood out of me. That’s when I realized that I’m dealing wit kids they can’t be niggas my age cause that would’ve lead to instant confrontation not instant admiration. After I set em straight they wanted to talk & ask me about the industry I could tell they wanted to be my friend but just didn’t know how to go about it. So I chatted wit them for a lil bit before letting them know I was tried and ready to lay down. But as I layed I listened to them talk telling there life stories of how one was born in a crack house and grew up selling crack to his mother and how another watched his father get murdered rite in front of him by some dudes he owed money as they robbed his house and how they were now in jail for crimes of their own one for beating his girl friend the other for a murder. One of them them is 19 the other just turned 23 yesterday. Both with kids of their own. When will we break the cycle? WILLIE LYNCH LIVES ON… DAMN!
When I got here I was happy to see some officers of the same skin color not that I’m racist or anything but in this type of situation and where I just came from you’d be happy to see some of your own too. Prejudice does still exist trust me I’ve been treated and seen it people treated like niggers more in 1 month that I have my whole life I feel like a slave and even tho I haven’t heard anyone say it actions speak louder than words. As I walk through the door everyone staring like they can’t believe I just walked in cuffed from head to toe. Even tho I don’t feel like much of a star that’s all they see the star that has fallen. But as I look in their eyes I still see the love they still wanna meet me and greet me as if I’m on their own personal stage except there’s no screaming fans, fancy clothes & bright lights. Only screaming inmates me in my orange jumpsuit and little flash lights they shine in my cell at night. It’s hard to feel good signing autographs and taking pictures in this predicament but I did it with a smile cause I love my fans and never say no, no matter what mood I’m in after the meet & greet they took me to my cell where I’ll be housed till my court date it’s not the best but it’s not the worst either they gave me some pillows and an extra mattress so I’ll live. This is my 3rd here and IA already came and got me to investigate my lil meet & greet. I basically told them to fuck off and that those are good cops cause they really were nice to me last thing I wanna see is good people get in trouble cause they got an autograph or a pic from me. You wanna investigate something investigate the crooked Hip Hop Task Force that got me into this shit in the first place.
As I sit in my cell listening to their stories I think about me and my Dad and how I hated to love him for so many years and how I vowed to be nothing like him only to have my mother say “your just like your father” LOL. Which made me curious to know him and of course just as we start to get closer to one another he dies. But I have my closure I learned alot about him and him about me in the short time we spent together. Which makes me think about my kids and how I’m raising them I am a great father and I have broken the cycle even though I’m in prison the foundation has already been layed. I hate being away from them for 20 months but shit could just as easily been on tour for that long. I feel compelled I wanna help other kids break the cycle. I’ve been to 5 different prisons and all I see is niggas and I ain’t talking about black people I’m talking about ignorance. See the problem wit most people is they don’t smell shit until they step in it and by that time it’s all over your shoe and everybody is tryin to get away from you. Now you have 2 choices you can either wash that shoe or throw it away. A lot of people choose to throw it away meaning they didn’t learn shit but those that choose to wash that shoe tend to watch their step knowing how hard it was to get em clean. I think I’ll wash my shoes this time cause this shit ain’t me.
R.I.P William Jeffrey Atkins
BREAK THE CYCLE!