No matter what one’s occupation may be, there is no escaping love. Even the toughest of emcees aren’t immune to the emotion, although they may not talk about it in the media. While dodging Cupid’s arrows, DX ran into the Diplomats’ Freekey Zekey and emcee Donny Goines, and decided to try to get some answers about their unique love lives. The uncensored conversation details Freekey’s dislike of women with chest hair, how a Valentines experience ruined his $2,500 jacket, and how Donny would handle an encounter with a woman who could use some help with her below-the-belt hygiene tactics.
HipHopDX: Do you remember your first date?
Freekey Zekey: I was maybe nine years old. My father was upstate for some program he had to do. He worked for Mt. Sinai Hospital and they sent him to work on something. There were a lot of Caucasians there at the time. There was this girl named Ophelia or something like that. We used to have to meet everyday, because our parents had to take care of community service for some church or hospital or something. We talked, she liked me, and I liked her, and our first date was to the vending machine. I had like 25 dollars, with seven dollars in singles. She wanted some marshmallow treats and a Mello Yello. I bought her that, and I don’t remember what I got, but I think I got some chocolate chip cookies, chips, and a Welch’s grape. We talked, and that was the first time I kissed a Caucasian lady. A white girl. A Becky. That was my first date. Vending machine style.
DX: What was your worst Valentine’s Day experience?
Freekey Zekey: I’ll never forget this joint. There’s a restaurant on 97th and Madison called One Fish Two Fish. I’m there with this bad little shorty who is also from the projects, and we chillin’ and talking. I’m fly right now, I think I’m like 14 or 15 years old. I’m buying her all she wants. I think she got steak and shrimp. They had my man get the liquor and bring it over to us because we was young. But we getting twisted and eating, and I’m feeding her shrimp, and my girl walks in. She was pissed off. She had flowers in her hand. Somebody had told her that they seen me eating over here, but I hadn’t seen her come in…next thing I know some hot soup gets thrown on the girl I’m with, and some flowers get smacked on her. She knocked the table over, smacked me, scratched me. They start fighting and we start watching the fight. That was my shorty that I really appreciated, and what got me mad is that I had the suede jacket on, it was brown, and it got soup on it. That was the worst Valentines Day I had. I spent $2,500 on that jacket and soup got on it. And my tires got slashed, matter fact. She slashed my tires before she came in.
DX: What’s your biggest turn off in a woman?
Freekey Zekey: A female who feels as if she has to prove herself. For instance, if she got on an outfit and she’s worried about what people are saying about it. I don’t even want to talk to you then, you start looking like Whoopi Goldberg when she was on dope, you know what I’m saying? I can’t deal with a girl who’s worried what the world is thinking about her. I like a confident female. One who can wear open toe sandals in the snow, and have her wig kind of lopsided, but she don’t care because she going to where she has to go, and she don’t care about nobody. Plus, chest hairs. I don’t like chest hairs.
DX: Have you encountered a woman with chest hair?
Freekey Zekey: Yeah. It was like three long ones. She had nice titties, too. Real nice ones. Perky joints that sit up. And whatever that round part of the nipple is, man those was beautiful, I wanted to go suck on them. I looked, and I just…my dick got soft. I was like “Nah.” I didn’t break up with her, I just never called her again. But I couldn’t even hit it or nothing. And I e-mailed her a picture of a wax place.
DX: What would your ideal woman be like?
Freekey Zekey: I would love for her to have her Master’s degree, but a ghetto mentality. She could listen to what someone’s saying and realize the bullshit from the shit that makes sense. Can’t just go for anything someone tells her. She has to have a cute face. Nice teeth. Bangin’ body. She don’t care about what nobody thinks, and she’s a go getter. The type of person that’ll wake me up at 5am because she came up with an idea on how we can make money. She got my back no matter what, even if I’m wrong or right. She’s real feisty. With 69% jealousy in her heart. And she’s a freak nasty. She won’t mind if we walk into the parking lot, and I grab her and go behind the car real quick, and we do it right before we go into the restaurant. Outside. Or she could be beating me off while we at the table. I want a girl who is with it no matter what’s going on.
DX: What if she’s all that, but the sex is wack? Would you stay with her?
Freekey Zekey: Jesus, the sex is wack?
DX: People can be freaks, but still have wack sex.
Freekey Zekey: You know what? You right. But that goes along with love. But I’d just work it out if I love her. My ideal chick? Yeah, if the sex was wack, we’d work it out to where we can maintain our sexual life or make it at least a little over intermediate.
DX: Do you think good sex can be taught?
Freekey Zekey: Yes. If you say what you like and they execute it? Then of course. But if your pussy is just wack, then we gotta work on it. I gotta start using other parts of your body. We gotta work it out. But if I love my lady, my perfect woman, I’m not going to just find another chick to get pussy, you know what I’m saying? I’m not a swinger with my girl. If you just some other chick? Yeah. We gettin’ it poppin’. Yeah, bring that shorty over here, then when I’m about to bust, you take over, and put that in your mouth so I could blow your brains back.
DX: But to be clear, you’re not like that with your main girl.
Freekey Zekey: Nah. I’m too jealous. If I got my girl, we Bonnie and Clydeing it. When I find my woman I love? I’m loyal. But until then? I’m with it. I’m gonna jump in and out of pussy like Cheerios. All the hoes I can find, I’m in. They don’t call me Freekey for nothing! I’m the type of nigga who is right there on the spot. We could be talking about the oxygen in the air, then when you look up to look at the clouds, then look back down? My dick is out. I like to get real physical with the woman.
DX: Give me a run down of your perfect Valentines Day.
Freekey Zekey: I’d have a car go get you with rose petals in the back and all that fly shit. I’d take you to my restaurant, the Palmetto restaurant at 223 S. Elm St. in Greensboro, NC. I’ll step to the chef and let them know to get a special order for me. The Myrtle Beach crushed pepper steak with sweet potatoes. Grilled lobster with the shrimp served in lobster creole sauce. I’ll have the Chardonnay sitting there nice and chilled up on the side. Of course it’s going to be a lot of me feeding you things, me licking your fingers after you pick the lobster up. Me pouring wine for you. After we finish eating we’ll get up, and I’ll let her see the establishment and how my restaurant is working. We’ll go into the wine cellar and I’ll throw her against the wall, rip her shirt open. Start tongue kissing her, feelin’ on her titties. Sliding my hand in between her legs, playing with her clit, getting her open. Lift her up in the air and let her ride me in my wine cellar. We’ll come back upstairs, sit down, get some drinks, start talking, chillin’ with the other people there if there’s family and friends around. After the night is over we’ll drive somewhere. I might pull over behind a school or somewhere else, throw the seats all the way up, push her in the back, hit it in the back seat of the car or truck I’m in. We’ll go back to the crib, I’ll ask if she wants dessert. If she don’t, that’s cool. I might get the whipped cream anyway, with the ice cream, take a shower, come back, and lay her on the bed and get busy. Obviously I wanted to finish eating, so I crack her legs open like she’s snow crabs, and I get busy with her, eating her, making her legs shiver. Then I pull out, get that magnesium of course, and then stretch her pussy open and make her cum a few times. Then we lay down, I tell her that I love her, and I let her sleep on my chest. And that will be a nice Valentines Day with your boy Freekey, you know what I’m saying?
DX: Do you remember your first date?
Donny Goines: Well I don’t really go on “dates.” So I don’t remember my first date, per se. I used to just hang out with a lot of women at their cribs, basically. If you want to call those dates, I guess you could say my first date was when I was 14.
DX: To a woman’s crib?
Donny Goines: Exactly. And that wasn’t really a “date,” it was more me hanging out, honestly. I don’t remember dating until I was in like my early twenties.
DX: Okay, so then what would a typical date be like with a 20-something Donny Goines?
Donny Goines: I’m not cheap, but I was never one to spend a bunch of money just to hang out with a girl, so I’d do the typical stuff like movies, food, things like that. I don’t think I ever took a woman anywhere out of the norm, but I try to at least take a girl out and have a decent time. Again, I never was one to date, it was more about hanging out.
DX: What was your worst Valentines Day experience?
Donny Goines: Probably never having a Valentines. I don’t think I’ve ever had one! I’ve never had many dating situations. It was always about one night stands or just hanging out. I haven’t had many situations where I was in serious relationships. As far as Valentines is concerned, I don’t necessarily remember anything because there was nothing to remember. I’ve just dealt with a lot of crazy women, and that’s it.
DX: What is your biggest turnoff in a woman?
Donny Goines: Good question. I hate women that lie. Whoever you are, just present it to me and be honest, because you’d be surprised. I’m more accepting of you telling the truth, than you portraying yourself as something you’re not. For instance, a lot of women downplay how many men they’ve slept with. To be quite frank I really don’t care. That’s your business. But when you portray yourself to be this wholesome woman, and you’re running around being a freak? I can’t stand that. It really is a turnoff, I mean, because I’m into freaks anyway! You’d be doing yourself a disservice. I don’t like women who aren’t honest with their sexuality, the people they’re dealing with, so on and so forth. It bothers me.
DX: Tell me about your ideal woman.
Donny Goines: Honest. I really respect honesty. She could tell me she just finished fucking a dude, but now she’s here to see me. That’s cool. I don’t really care [laughs]. I also love a woman who keeps up on her hygiene. When I have sex, I like to have fun. You can’t be stinking or anything, it has to be up to par.
DX: Do you encounter women with poor hygiene?
Donny Goines: Of course. It comes with the territory. There have definitely been women I’ve met that could’ve taken a shower before the situation got a little deep, but it happens. I think it’s really a natural occurrence half the time. One thing a lot of people don’t know about me is I worked in healthcare for a few years. One job I had was in a maternity ward, in post-partum care. I’ve seen enough vagina to last me three lifetimes. I’ve dealt with all sorts of vagina, not just personal, but also work-related. I understand the mechanics of a woman, so to speak. When I’m talking about hygiene I’m talking about a woman who doesn’t clean herself well, or doesn’t keep her nails clean. They don’t have to be all done all fruity…just keep up with yourself. I keep myself up, so it’s only right.
DX: How do you tell them to step their hygiene game up? Or do you just run away quickly?
Donny Goines: I pretty much run. I don’t really say anything. Only time I would say anything is if it was a woman I plan on dealing with in a relationship. Then I would suggest it in a sensitive way. I’d be like, “Let’s go to the Duane Reade or something,” then when we’re walking down the aisle I’d ask what kind of products she uses. Something retarded, I don’t know. I’d try to do it in a sly way. I don’t think it’s a matter that can be blurted out. You gotta be tactful. But I don’t deal with women with poor hygiene.
DX: So you have your ideal woman, but the sex is wack. Do you stay with her?
Donny Goines: Not at all. [Laughs] Sex is important. I’m not saying she has to be the best in bed, but she has to be willing to try. I think a lot of women aren’t willing to go the extra mile for their man. I won’t even lie, I love to get my dick sucked. I love that. So if a woman isn’t willing to do something like that? Chances are we won’t be dealing with each other for long. But it goes beyond that. I like to please a woman, and if she isn’t making an effort to do the same, to me it’s a waste of time. I may be in love, but if the sex is wack, I’m gone. That’s it.
DX: Can good sex can be taught?
Donny Goines: It can. I’ve trained a few. The problem is you have to have some sort of innate ability, or be an eager student. It has to be something you’re into. Some women just aren’t into sex like that. I’m not saying I’m the best in bed, what I am saying is I take the time to please a woman, so I expect it in return. Period.
DX: How would you spend your perfect Valentines Day?
Donny Goines: Preferably I’d be in love. I prefer monogamy, although I’m not with that one woman, so it is what it is, but I prefer that. Whoever that is, I’d cater to her that day in particular. Whatever she likes, I’d do something for her based around that. If she was into the arts, I’d probably take her to a museum. After that I’d give her the first of a few gifts. Jewelry, or something special. Then we’ll go out to eat, probably lunch, because I’d make a day of it. Afterwards I’d give her another gift, even more significant than the last. Then we’d go do another activity we both enjoy. If we like cooking, I’d take her to a cooking class or something. Then she gets another present, then I’d take her to a hotel and I would just cum a lot of times, and that would be that!
DX: Give us three pieces of advice for having a successful friend with benefits.
Donny Goines: First, you gotta be fly like me. That’s number one [laughs]. I’m kidding, I’m not that egotistical. Honestly, it’s about being real with people. I’m very experienced when it comes to sex and women. Way before music I always had a lot of women around me. The key has been being real with the person. If you want to sleep with someone, tell them that. Whatever the case is, be honest and straightforward. That’s number one. Number two? You have to be appealing and exciting to the person. Face it, how are you going to get laid if you’re a lame? You have to present yourself in a good way. The last thing is your reputation precedes you, so make sure you’re pleasing the ladies or men in your life, and make sure the word is good! And that’s that.