Did you miss us? I know, I know, it’s been a long time and the bad guys at DX have finally blessed you with yet another round of What The F*ck. The industry sucks but it never gets old making fun of it. This time around our wonderful staff has filled this edition with the biggest losers ever, dreams of Kim and Remy porn, Flavor Flav and more. We hope you enjoy, if not, we know we’ll hear about it.
1. WTF is it like to be 18-1 and considered the biggest fucking loser ever? Ask Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.
2. WTF is with all the infighting with Diplomats, G-Unit and Wu-Tang? If we wanted to deal with emo we’d listen to My Chemical Romance.
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3. WTF was with Jim Jones and Dame Dash beefing with Jay-Z, only to later keep referencing him by way of Harlem’s American Gangster…you dudes need a copy of “He’s Not That Into You.”
4. WTF is up with Jay and his loyalty issues? What’s up with allegedly dropping the Roc? Hasn’t he completely disassociated himself from everyone he came into the game with? Well everyone except Memphis Bleek – who most have been begging for him to disassociate himself with.
5. WTF was going through former BET owner Bob Johnson’s head referring to Obama’s “drug” use? How you gonna condemn him for his past when all the videos you showed on BET was full of drug traffickers, users and thugs?
6. WTF is up with Flavor Flav’s new sitcom titled Under One Roof about an ex con (Flav) bringing his prison buddies over to his conservative brother’s house to show the world what coonery is all about? Fuck it…I give up *hands in black card*
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7. WTF is wrong with YOU if you aren’t watching The Wire?
8. WTF is up with that new Nelly song “Low?” *gets memo* Oh…that’s Flo-Rida? Well why the fuck did he steal Nelly’s song then and replace it with that nonsensical “Whadsyaname?” Bad deal. That’s like trading old ass Shaq for Shawn Marion *gets another memo* get the fuck outta here!?!? Next thing you’re going to tell me is that Pau Gasol got traded to the Lakers for a bag of chips *gets another memo* AHHHHHHHH!!!!
9. WTF is Dr Dre going to sound like rapping bars written by Lil Wayne? But wait…how is he going to do that if Wayne doesn’t write? Uh-oh…
10. WTF is Celebrity Fat Club and when did it become the new Hip Hop retirement spot? Don’t any of you have some damn stock options?
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11. WTF makes you emcees think that if you can’t sell CDs that you can sell clothes, energy drinks and whatever other nonsense you can think of slapping your name on?
12. WTF is YAHH TRICK YAH! The name of a song? We truly are some illiterate fucks.
13. WTF is up with the only jobs midgets get on television are obnoxious things like Hell Date or Vince McMahon’s leprechaun bastard son? I’d be pissed…
14. WTF? Pimp C dies in a Hollywood hotel but Amy Winehouse is still here running around in her bra with what looks like cocaine on her face and taking home Grammys. Can we make a trade God? Not saying we would prefer losing Amy but…well…you know…
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15. WTF is up with Kanye West’s mom dying in a plastic surgery mishap before Lil Kim or Michael Jackson? Life is truly unfair. Not saying we’d prefer losing Kim or Mike…well…you know black folks already “lost” Mike.
16. WTF was XXL thinking by firing Elliot Wilson? That the mag was gonna get better? He’s the only editor that has been down since day one. In the immortal words of Bill Duke from Menace II Society “You know you done fucked up right?”
17. WTF is the deal with Angel Lola Luv’s body? God couldn’t have made nothing like that. That ain’t nothing but the work of the devil.
18. WTF was up with Ray J‘s mixtape cover? Was moral bankruptcy having the best week ever?
19. WTF Brandy? How are you going to attend a party for Ray J to promote his porn mix tape—I don’t think my sister would attend a party for me if there was porn involved with it unless we grew up in an Idaho trailer park.
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20. WTF is up with Remy Ma and Lil Kim feuding when you know they should just put out their own dominatrix porn tape and get it over with.
21. WTF happened to gender roles in Hip-Hop? Remy is shooting broads, Brat is bustin champagne bottles over chick’s heads, Eve tried to turn her alcohol monitoring anklet into a fashion accessory and Foxy is not coming home anytime soon. Meanwhile male rappers are wearing cartoon hoodies, kissing each other and making YouTube flicks in their boxers. WTF?!!?
22. WTF was the NBA thinking having All Star weekend in the ravaged confines of New Orleans. That’s like throwing a steak into a cage full of hungry, homeless, angry, waiting on their FEMA check pitbulls. You’re basically rubbing the riches right in the face of those who need it. I predicted some rapper is going to get his chain snatched, but instead we got a canceled Hot Boys reunion show after a club was shot up. *sigh*
23. WTF is up with BET allegedly going hard at Boondocks and getting those episodes dissing them banned ? It’s called P-A-R-O-D-Y! Get a sense of humor guys. You obviously have to have one with those bullshit shows you keep putting on your godforsaken network.
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24. WTF is up with Kia Shine getting more “shine” for his fight with the TMI Boyz than his own album. Did anybody hear that shit? Anyone?
25. WTF is the big deal about Nas naming his album Nigger? Now if Eminem named his album Niggerthen we’d have something to talk about!
There you have it gotdammit! Agree with us if you want. Diss us if you
dare. We could care less! We all got some E-Thuggin in us these days
right?
Give a shout to your favorite gotdamn Editor-In-Chief on my myspace page…
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We now return you to your regularly brainwashed lives,
Management
