SZA may be one of the most successful artists in music at the moment, but her career may never have gotten off the ground had it not been for one man in particular.
The New Jersey songstress sat down for an in-depth interview with Apple Music’s Zane Lowe, which was published on Tuesday (December 12). When discussing why she sometimes lacks confidence in herself and her career, she admitted that her music career was birthed out of a desire to prove a point to her then-fiancé.
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“Some people choose music as a career and they feel very certain about what they’re doing and why they’re doing it,” SZA said around the 26:20 mark of the conversation. “But I was never quite certain, and I was going to music to prove a point. When I started making music, it was to my ex-fiancé because he was paying for everything – my food, my clothes, where I lived. And he was like eight years my senior so I was so co-dependent. And he was so talented. He’s a designer and so brilliant.”
She continued: “His ex girlfriends were all lawyers and business women and artists and all these things. And you know, I’m a college dropout and still bartending at the strip club. So I felt like I lacked value. So when I started trying to make music, it was this thing that I didn’t have to try at and I was randomly good at.”
Elsewhere in the conversation, SZA explained how outside pressures combined with the power of perception have impacted her interactions with fans and the likes.
“I realized as of recent a lot of this shit is not normal,” she began, speaking on her success. “I didn’t know how to process that experience and I was having a lot of lashing out and a lot of frustration — a lot of opinions, a lot of entitlement to your space, a lot of entitlement to your time, a lot of expectation and no one is understanding, in the realm of being like ‘Why?’
“It actually makes me on edge and not a kind person because of the anxiety of wondering like how people — there’s so much perceiving going on. But, there people don’t know you. They say you’re in a vacuum in your most high-pressure moment. But, it’s like, it’s scary. So, it’s like, oh my God, I’m not the person I want to be right now. Because I’m not kind, calm, and like relaxed, and patient.”
SZA went on to share that despite finding fame she is “still the shy person she was in high school.”
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“I hate being perceived. I hate coming outside. I don’t want to party. I don’t want anybody to really look at me, honestly. I don’t want to take pictures. I hate being on video. It’s the bane of my existence. It makes me really, really uncomfortable — I cry,” she added, admitting she had consumed several calming gummies before the interview.
