Diddy got the shock of his life in November 2018 when Kim Porter died from a form of pneumonia. Just 47, the mother of Diddy’s three daughters was in cardiac arrest when emergency responders arrived at her home. Diddy was understandably devastated and admitted not marrying Porter when he had the chance was a mistake he’ll have to live with.

Four years later, Diddy has adjusted to his new normal and is currently dating City Girls rapper Yung Miami. During the premiere episode of Yung Miami’s REVOLT podcast Caresha Please, the Bad Boy Records mogul opened up about what it felt like losing Porter.

“At first, I cried for like three months straight,” he said around the 7:33-minute mark. “I would just be walking around crying, just like all the time. It hurt so bad. I just didn’t … I was just not moving. I had isolated myself. It was rough. I really could not control crying. I would be anywhere and any memory would just get me and really break me down.

“But as time went on and I had to deal with the reality and really prayer and God, talking to God is what got me through it. I had a wonderful life in time with Kim. I have beautiful kids and I’m just like the luckiest man in the world. To even have had the experience to have her in my life … it’s a daily thing though. I’m back up on my feet and I’m ready to love again.”

Yung Miami, who shared she also lost the father of her child and struggled with grief, also asked Diddy how fatherhood has changed since Porter’s death.

He explained, “Fatherhood has been really, really real ’cause I was like a part-time father. Kim, Sarah and everyone had everything held down. Then losing Kim, it was just like I was a full-time father. My life is really going crazy right now. It’s really, really real going from being on the road and stuff to actually have to raise three girls. I’ve never been in this situation before. I guess God gave me some karma, hit me three times. I got three girls turning 16.”

Diddy added he’s very “proud” of his daughters: “I just get so filled with pride. They’re so beautiful and strong. They’re like really, really strong women. They have their own opinions and they have their own points of views. They have their own dreams. It’s clear why women rule the world when you’re around them.”

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The day before Porter died, she reportedly got a massage from her goddaughter and watched a movie with some of her family members at her Toluca Lake home before going to bed around 11:30 p.m. local time. Her goddaughter saw her at 8:30 a.m. the following morning but thought Porter was still asleep, so she left.

Around 11:30 a.m., her housemates found Porter unresponsive and called 9-1-1. First responders discovered water bottles, Pedialyte and sports drinks on her nightstand as well as a Z-Pack, bowl of tomato soup and some Tylenol.

Two days before Porter’s death, she told her doctor she wasn’t feeling well and had zero appetite. The report says a nurse visited her home and gave her a saline solution drip infused with vitamins. The next day, Porter told her doctor she had blood in her phlegm. The toxicology report noted there were no narcotic drugs or alcohol in her system.

Porter was laid to rest on November 24, 2018 in her hometown of Columbus, Georgia. Between 1,000 and 1,500 people attended the service, including Diddy, Lil Kim, Mary J. Blige, Faith Evans, Stevie J, Kandi Burruss, Kimora Lee Simmons and Tichina Arnold.