Mary J. Blige opens up about her troubled past in her upcoming episode of VH1’s “Behind the Music,” airing on Sunday, July 24th at 10 p.m. EST. On the show, she speaks on how sexual abuse as a child haunted her for years and how it gave way to self-esteem issues.

“When I was 5 years old I was molested and just, you know. I remember feeling, literally right before it happened, I just could not believe that this person was going to do this to me.…That thing followed me all my life. The shame of thinking my molestation was my fault.  It led me to believe I wasn’t worth anything.”

The Queen of Hip Hop/Soul also touches on her struggles with alcoholism and how a near-death experience made her hit rock bottom. “The problem had snowballed into this thing that was bigger than me,” she says. “It was bigger than me. And it was definitely going to kill me. So I was like this is it and let’s go. And I remember sitting on my bed. I swear, I don’t know what death feels like, but I felt like my spirit was trying to leave my body.  And I was crying, and I was going please God, no no, not now, I don’t want this.  I prayed, like I remember saying a prayer I said God, send me someone to help me.”

Crediting her husband Kendu Isaacs as her savior, MJB shares her inspirational story of overcoming her adversity. “This could have been a tragic story. Every single chapter… I am the living proof that any person going through any kind of tragic situation in their lives. Any molestation, any self-hatred, anything terrible, you can get out, you can make it.”

Watch a preview of the episode below.

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