In the spirit of the Valentines season, HipHopDX approached four emcees to ask them not about their music, but about the things most closely associated with February 14th. In the first segment, Kno (of QN5’s Cunninlynguists) and Brooklyn’s Sha Stimuli sat down to talk about their worst dates, first kisses, and what songs are on their “get it on” playlists. Read on to see what happened when Kno dated a stripper, and let Stimuli define the concept he refers to as “post-nut syndrome.”
HipHopDX: Tell me about your worst date ever.
Kno: A first date with a person I had been friends with for years. It was the worst idea. If you’ve been friends with someone for like six years, you probably shouldn’t try to “go out on a date.” It was awkward. We were at the beach, it was actually kind of nice, but when things were winding down at the end of the night, we kissed. And she said, “You have the nicest, soft, gentle kiss I’ve ever felt.” And, true story, I said to her, “I know.” Who the fuck says that? That was pretty much the end of our romantic career. We went back to being friends. I said, “I know.” Like, I’m aware? Easily one of the dumbest things I’ve ever said. Terrible night.
DX: You’re still friends with her?
Kno: Yeah, she’s married now. Has kids and shit. Apparently it wasn’t meant to be, as evidenced by that.
DX: What did you do for Valentines Day last year?
Kno: I did nothing. I worked. I wasn’t involved like that. I’m pretty sure I stayed in and made a beat, and cried myself to sleep in my loneliness, you know what I’m saying? [Laughs]
DX: Explain your perfect Valentines Day.
Kno: I’m spontaneous, so it would have to be with a person who is also spontaneous. So I can’t really say how it would go down, I just know that we wouldn’t put a lot of thought into it. And it would be fucking awesome. At the end of the day, I appreciate spontaneity above most other things.
DX: Biggest turnoff in a woman?
Kno: Shallowness. Everybody has a certain level of shallowness to them, like they’re entertained by shallow shit, and I totally understand because I am too. If I’m flipping through stations and Jersey Shore comes up, I might linger. But if that’s all a person has going for them? I can tell within three or four minutes, based on the conversation, if it’s someone I’m interested in dating.
DX: The sex is great, but she’s dumb as rocks. Do you stay?
Kno: I dated a stripper a while back, in Atlanta. A friend of mine hooked us up, and, well, she wasn’t bright. And, well, we didn’t date. So I guess that’s your answer. We ended up not talking anymore. In retrospect I can’t judge that situation, it was what it was, but speaking from experience, no, I would not pursue it further once I open that mental pandora’s box and see all the dust and moths and shit in there.
DX: Then what is your ideal woman like?
Kno: If you had asked me this during different stages of my life, I’d have completely different answers. I thought I wanted a Hip Hop girl who was into music. Then I had that, and it was annoying. I don’t feel like spending my day talking to my girl about Jay-Z and Nas beef. I’d like her to be aware of it, but if that’s all we talk about? It’s weird. You have to have somebody who has enough in common that you can relate and converse well, but at the same time have enough not in common that it’s interesting. It’s good to date women who put you outside of your comfort zone to certain extents. I also find I like them short and thick, if I had to summarize it. But from all other standpoints, somebody who is smart and challenges me. Somebody who isn’t boring, and won’t talk about Lupe Fiasco’s career all day.
DX: You found that woman, but the sex is wack. Do you stay?
Kno: Except for extenuating circumstances, any woman can be coached in bed. That’s my opinion. I feel if you’re comfortable with a person, even if the sex is wack at first, if you care about them in every other facet of your relationship, whatever you’re lacking can be learned. I’d stay. I feel like I could turn it around.
DX: Do you remember your first kiss?
Kno: Her name was Alicia. Eighth grade. She had brown hair, and she was cool, but all her friends were douches. She was hanging with the wrong crowd. Bunch of idiots. That was my first kiss. We went to a dance together. And then, basically, her friends talked her out of dating me, or whatever you call it in eighth grade. I guess I wasn’t cool enough, and/or too poor. That little thing only lasted about a week. Shout out to Alicia. You could tell she was influenced by what her friends were saying. It was one of those peer pressure things. And now I’m fresh to death! What up, Alicia! See what you’re missing out on? Damn!
DX: Tell me an embarrassing moment that went down involving the opposite sex.
Kno: This is some down south, rural Georgia shit: so I was dating this girl, she was a little younger than me. Her father didn’t like me, which is generally the case for any relationship, at least in the deep south. The guy was real moody, and I remember she had a curfew, it was like 11pm. I drove her home, she was getting out of the car at like 11:04. Of course I’m parked where my left-hand side is facing the door of her house, so I’m looking to the right at her, kissing her goodnight, whatever. She says, “Oh, shit.” I look back, and her dad is walking out with a shotgun. And this was over four minutes. It wasn’t 3am or she was sneaking out. I think that’s the last real southern, rural, white girl that I dated in a minute. I wasn’t trying to get shot over a four minute curfew break.
DX: Did you flee the scene quickly?
Kno: Yeah. I was like, “You gotta go. Please exit the vehicle hastily.” I took off. We kept dating, but it never got far. Whenever I saw her dad, he never mentioned it. Maybe he had a bad night, I don’t know.
DX: Imagine a playlist you’d put on while getting it on. What would a few tracks on it be?
Kno: Depends on the situation, or who I’m trying to woo. But I’d have to go with…R. Kelly’s “Bump N’ Grind (Remix).” Not the OG [mix], because the remix was much better. Definitely some Jodeci. “Forever My Lady” maybe? There isn’t a lot of recent R&B that does it for me. It’s a little too over the top. Granted, “Bump N’ Grind” isn’t subtle, but nowadays the song is like literally titled “Let Me Put It In Your Butt.” It’s even more over the top than normal. It’s weird, but I’ll have sex to Portishead. It’s not typical slow jams. I had sex to the entire Midnight Marauders album by A Tribe Called Quest. That was an accident, it just happened to be playing, but it was awesome! I can’t even complain about that.
HipHopDX: What was your worst date ever?
Sha Stimuli: I’m not really a dater like that. I didn’t really have bad ones, but I had a situation where my cards didn’t work when it came time to pay. I had to express the reason why. That was kind of bad. But there was one worse than that, now that I’m remembering. Some girl had asked me out that day to go out with her to lunch, and I told her I couldn’t but I didn’t say why. I already had a date with different girl, and the girl that asked me out ended up walking into the restaurant where we were at. I pulled her outside and talked to her and was like, “I’m not with you, I’m not with her, why are you upset?” She wasn’t mad. We finished the food. The best part was there was an old lady at the next table and she was like, “If you don’t want either one of them, you can roll with me.” So it turned out okay. There was another time I was with the same girl in a restaurant, and a friend of another girl I was dealing with saw me, came and sat down at the table, and was like “You know I gotta tell my homegirl.”
DX: What did you do for Valentines Day last year?
Sha Stimuli: I was trying to remember and I have no clue. I don’t even know what state I was in. Last time I celebrated Valentines Day was like eighth grade. I got cards, balloons, some crap for this girl I was dealing with, and she didn’t come to school! It really messed me up. There were no cell phones back then, I was trying to figure out what happened. I went to the pay phone and called her house, she didn’t answer. All these things went through my mind. Maybe she’s having sex, all these crazy ideas. Found out the next day she just didn’t feel like coming to school. I was crushed, so I was like I’m not celebrating this stupid day again. I been anti-Valentines ever since.
DX: Well, then what would your perfect Valentines Day have been?
Sha Stimuli: To be real honest and corny, if you’re with someone and you’re really feeling them, I don’t think you should wait until Valentines to celebrate it. I’m so left-field, I’d probably do something on the eighth or tenth, just to throw people off. I’d hate to be a slave to a national holiday just made so Hallmark can make money. I’m weird like that. The day of? I wouldn’t care.
DX: Biggest turnoff in women?
Sha Stimuli: Some people may think it’s hygiene because of my “Smelly Cat Song” that I did. That’s definitely one of them. Probably the biggest…you know what? It might just be hygiene, now that I think about it. I think about personalities that really turn me off, but there’s no one thing. You know how you just don’t click with someone and you can pick that up really fast? I definitely don’t like people that aren’t intelligent. You can have ignorance, and not know about certain things, but then there are people who are obnoxiously unintelligent and act like they know everything.
DX: So if there’s a woman who has great sex, but is dumb as rocks, do you stay?
Sha Stimuli: I stay for a while. But I don’t stay forever. You have to think about really spending time with somebody. You can sacrifice certain things. Sex can take precedence over other things, but at some point you’re going to really have to be around this person. I think about the long term. Meeting someone’s parents, them meeting my family, sitting on a couch having a conversation. There’s something called post-nut syndrome that I don’t think a lot of people, including women, know about. After the orgasm, everything changes. You look around the room and look at the person. You think about all the things you said to get them out of their clothes. Then, reality hits. I don’t know if every man goes through it, but I know a lot of us talk about it. It’s serious and sometimes you want to just disappear. I prayed for teleportation power but it never really happened for me, I’m still working on it.
DX: So what do you look for in your ideal woman?
Sha Stimuli: I would want someone proportionate physically. I don’t need the crazy big stripper ass or double D’s, but I need someone shapely. Something nice to hold onto. I like pretty faces. That always wins a lot of arguments, if I look at you and you look good, I’ll shut up and I’ll be like “You know what? You mad pretty. The hell was I thinking?” I like natural. I’m not into the expensive weaves and implants and all that. I don’t mind if a girl changes up her style with a weave here, a wig there, but I want somebody confident enough to rock their hair and it be no big deal, like “yeah, I’m rocking a weave today.” Just a confident woman. Someone well-rounded that can listen to Prince and then want to go to the opera. Different things. Someone understanding and willing to compromise.
DX: So let’s say you find that perfect woman, but the sex is wack. Do you stay?
Sha Stimuli: I’ve heard that you’re supposed to. The 80/20 rule suggests that something is going to be fucked up. Something about that can be learned. Maybe. I don’t know. I think that’s the question for the ages, man. To find all of that and then something like that is missing? It’s like the girl that can’t cook. You get her some cookbooks and hope that she works it out. Thing is, if you find somebody understanding, and willing to compromise, and is a good communicator, then you can throw throw those things out there and hope she picks up. But if she doesn’t, there’s always the mistress. I don’t know how that works. I think I need counseling.
DX: Do you remember your first kiss?
Sha Stimuli: Yeah. There were a couple of first ones, I don’t think the ones when I was a little kid kissing my babysitter counted. I think when I was 11 there was a girl on my block, who still lives on my block, she was like 13. I kissed her outside for mad long. I don’t know what the hell I was doing, I just know our faces was covered with saliva, it was real nasty. It was practice. I found out she liked me through somebody’s backyard reggae party. Then it happened. I’m glad I got it out the way, because after that I figured I should tone it down a whole lot, keep the spit on the inside, and maybe I’ll get better. And like a year later I was pretty good. I was one of the best in junior high school. And that girl became my first ever. I think I had sex with her. I think. I’m not sure. See, growing up in Flatbush, Brooklyn, you tend to lie a lot about your first time. So from 11 to 14, I had already told everyone I had done it, and I started to believe the lie. And I kind of forgot when it really happened.
DX: Have you had an embarrassing moment that went down involving the opposite sex?
Sha Stimuli: Yeah, I kind of have a Rap career though…[Laughs].
DX: If you had a playlist to put on, for getting it on, what would be on it?
Sha Stimuli: Prince. Probably D’Angelo’s “How Does It Feel.” R. Kelly. I don’t think I can give the rest away. We used to have these tapes, cassette tapes, when I first got to college, and we called them “guaranteed.” Like you’d throw them on and it would be guaranteed. Just real classic songs that people wouldn’t expect.