Remember when Hulk Hogan body-slammed Andre the Giant? That was great.

I remember watching WrestleMania III with my little brothers. The hype for weeks prior was that the Hulkster was “gonna slam Andre the Giant.” I didn’t believe it. Then again, I was seven.

Change is inevitable and Hip Hop is no exception. We love talking about how much Hip Hop has changed since its inception 28 years ago. There’s never a shortage of discussion about how different things “used to be” in Hip Hop. Back in the day just won’t go away…and thank goodness. There is a lot to be said for remembering Hip Hop’s yesterday. In fact, I’m among those who believe that much of the stupidity evident in today’s culture is related to our collective inability to tap into Hip Hop history’s lessons in life.

Instead, we tantalize our senses with the impossibility of predicting the future. As I write, millions are preoccupied with predicting who is going to win the 2008 presidential election. Millions more are busy predicting who’s going to be America’s next top model, #1 draft pick, American Idol, etc. Each year, corporate America takes a multi-million dollar hit thanks to employees distracting themselves with their NCAA brackets (shout out to Candace Parker). Point is, whether you realize it or not, you’re probably obsessed with the future, too.

If you can’t beat ‘em…

There are socio-evolutionary theories that help explain our fascination with the future. Many experts link our desire to know what’s going to happen to us with a basic survival instinct. In other words, those individuals who are best at predicting what’s going to happen are the most likely to succeed and ultimately, survive. This concept is easily applied to the Hip Hop music industry. Like boxers, rappers that stand the test of time are those stay ahead of the curve, those with ability to see what’s going to hit them before it does-and avoid it.

What is the future of Hip Hop? Is it possible to predict what Hip Hop will look like say, 25 years from now? Twenty-five years means six presidents. At its current rate of increase, gas will cost $17.38 a gallon. Seems like a long way off, right? Maybe not. Here are my predictions:

Grown and Sexy

One of the most prevalent misconceptions about Hip Hop is that it is predominantly a youth culture. Ask your grandpa what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you say “Hip Hop.” If your grandpa is like mine was, chances are he’ll mumble something about young whipper-snappers. This, on some levels, is understandable given the fact that American society in general caters to young people (I’ve never seen a commercial for a product that makes you look older). But a closer inspection of Hip Hop tells a different story. Hip Hop has never been driven exclusively by the young folks. Hell, Hip Hop has its very origins in the grown-up problems of racism, disenfranchisement, poverty and revolution. Out of all that pain rose a sophisticated cultural aesthetic that enabled the type of mature, multidimensional self-expression needed to mend the mind and soothe the soul. In 1979, Kurtis Blow was 20, Marley Marl was 17, Grandmaster Flash was 21. Today these pioneers are scraping their fifties. In 25 years, they will have beaten the average life expectancy for African American males (70 years)^_1. Many of today’s biggest stars are middle-aged. Jay-Z is 38, LL Cool J is 40, Busta Rhymes is about to turn 36. In 25 years, these dudes will be literal senior citizens.

Show me the money

By 2018, the Hip Hop music industry will be in shambles. The minor scuffles between artists and labels and big labels and indie labels that we’ve witnessed over the last few years will have escalated into all out war. A dramatic increase in the amount of would-be rappers coupled with unparalleled access to studio technology will ensure that there will be way more supply than demand. Prices will plummet, as rappers will finally be able to create, produce, and distribute large quantities of their music completely on their own. Consequently, nobody will buy music anymore, and by 2033 the entire rap industry will collapse on itself.

First, the traditional rap album will fade out of existence, followed by the traditional rap song. Even now, rap albums are much shorter than they used to be. Soon the “album” will become economically obsolete. Artists will simply drop tracks immediately after they finish them to a digital market ready, willing and able to consume them. Everything will have a ring tone. Fax machines, microwave ovens, textbooks…everything.

Make it Rain

The artists left standing will be singing a new song. Gone will be the hyper-materialistic pseudo-commercials of the turn of the century. Hip Hop artists, for the first time, have the benefit of trial and error to guide them. With parents who squandered away paycheck after paycheck on meaningless material goods, the rappers of tomorrow will instead rhyme about the single most important issue facing humanity: the environment. Los Angeles will be cloaked in smog. Rainforest depletion will have crippled the ozone layer. Oil-based fuel will be taught in history books. Worldwide food shortages due to un-farmable land will have jolted the global economy, forcing us all to concentrate hard on how to live in peace with the earth. Sure, there will still be club joints and ballads and braggadocio, but the underlying theme will be one of growing anxiety about the world and our place in it. Continued on page 2 »