In honor of Thanksgiving week, HipHopDX carries on a tradition with our seventh annual Turkey Awards. In a year that has produced amazing music and just as much fuckery, there was plenty to work with. White girls defending their use of the n-word, Ray J’s Money Team, Lil’ Kim’s claims of selling over 100,000 copies of her mixtape through Paypal; we have all laughed and face-palmed our foreheads just as much as we nodded along to the beats. We’ll honor the music next month with our Year-End Awards, but today we celebrate the turkeys.
1. The “Silent Movie Villain, Twirling His Moustache” Award – Lil Wayne
For threatening to kidnap and duct-tape a pregnant Beyonce.
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2. The “Lifetime Television Movie Marathon” Award (Presented By Meredith Baxter Birney) – Drake
For making an album that any menopausal mother would be proud of in Take Care.
3. The Porn Valley “Not On My Face” Award – Yung L.A. and Gucci Mane
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For expressing their creativity with facials, since one’s music is sucking, and the other has never made any music.
4. The “I Lost Weight And Why People Love Me” Award (Presented By Jonah Hill) – Fat Joe
Good for your health, bad for your wealth.
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5. The “Please Keep Your Shirt On. Yes, Both Of You.” Award – Rick Ross And Kreayshawn
We feel the same way about your press photos and leaked nudes as we do about your beef: keep it to yourself.
6. The “Use A Coaster, It’ll Leave Rings On The Table” Award – Lil Wayne’s Tha Carter IV
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We. Waited. Three. Years. For. This.
7. The “Dame Grease” Award – V-Nasty’s Hair
For when it looks like you showered in a bus station bathroom.
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8. The “Eddie Murphy, Good Samaritan” Award – To Mister Cee
The gay rapper remains a mystery. The gay deejay not-so-much.
9. The “Say Anything Boombox” Award – Consequence
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Breaking up is hard to do. He’ll never forget the way you shivered during “Spaceship.”
10. The “Tracy Morgan: What Gay Bashing Means to Me” Award – Jakk Frost
The Beard Gang ain’t fuckin’ with no queer thang.
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11. The “I Didn’t Know This Job Had a Dress Code” Award – Danny Brown
If 50 Cent sent M.O.P. to the gym, please believe he wasn’t little Big Perm’s nephew on the Unit.
12. The Tyrone Biggums Award – Black Rob
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Some albums are crack. Game Tested, Streets Approved was just crack-induced.
13. The “Botulism Infested Beef” Award – Lil’ Kim
Kimberly started callin’ out names, but nobody listened. She could have used this time to learn to count.
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14. The Fred Sanford “ ’lizabeth, I’m Comin’ To Join Ya!” Award – Rick Ross
We really hope that one of our favorite Miami rappers improves his diet, his rest and his lungs.
15. The “Uncle Rego Child Molester Mustache” Award – Big Sean
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G.O.O.D’s latest sensation brought back truck jewels and ‘staches. We just hope he doesn’t collab with Jake One’s van.
16. The “Chinese Democracy” Award – Saigon’s Greatest Story Never Told
When you have to wait years and years for something you sometimes forget why you ever wanted it in the first place.
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17. The “Lifetime Achievement” Award – 10 Year Anniversary Of Dr. Dre’s Detox Not Being Released
Dr. Dre is unable to accept this award. The award will be accepted by Hittman, Stat Quo, Slim da Mobster and Bishop Lamont.
18. The “Lindsey Lohan/Charlie Sheen Award – To DMX
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The incumbant to the rapper-vs.-jail title Gucci Mane is going for.
19. The “Dr. Drew Is Saving a Place for You” Award – Beanie Sigel
The circle got smaller, and so have the chances of cleaning up.
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20. The “Yeah, That’s Probably a Good Idea” Award – Tity Boy’s Name-Change to 2 Chainz
Who did this guy think he was, Rick Ross?
21. The My Super Sweet 16 Temper Tantrum Award – ChrisBrown
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Not so good morning, America.
22. The Wiz Khalifa Rolling Papers Award – The Outlawz
To all the cats who smoke a ‘Pac a day.
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23. The Where’s Waldo Award – Earl Sweatshirt
Your crew needs you. Peace out from the Beach Boys on Kokomo.
24. The Sammi Sweatheart & Ronnie Award – Dr. Dre & The D.O.C.
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Break up to make up, that’s all that they do. If Dre’s retiring, what will Tracy do?
25. The Wet Towel In The Locker Room Award – Fabolous & Ray J
Ray J’s done things WAY more pathetic than this to stay in the spotlight. Fab, what’s your excuse?
