It’s that time of the year again. The 5th Annual Turkey Awards are in effect and ready to hand out some wonderful awards to those who tickled us with their often idiotic actions.
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll laugh until you cry and obviously you’ll call have nobody to blame but the people in question, and YOU – for helping write these in the digital suggestion box that is the message boards. Save a drumstick and throw it at the wack rapper. Happy Thanksgiving from HipHopDX.
The Turkey Award For Who Mayweather Really Should Have Fought Goes To… Chris Brown…R.A. The Rugged Man said what all fans were really thinking about Mayweather, so why not give him the fight he deserves? Plus, Chris floats like a butterfly and stings like Rihanna‘s herpes…or that’s at least what we heard.
The Turkey Award For Most Egregious Nudity Goes To… Rick Ross…’09 was the year the Bawse really aired out the girls, much to our misfortune. But can you blame him? He does have a great rack (Pause). His bra size is a Triple C.
The Yo Bumrush The Show Turkey Award Goes To…Lil Mama. At least we expect that shit from Kanye West. Lil Mama? Jason Vorhees was more New York than Lil Mama, and honey’s B-girl stance looked straight out of a Degree deodorant commercial. It’s safe to say that Jive Records nail in the coffin is black-listed from the city she reps so hard. Don’t expect another media day anytime soon.
The Turkey Award For Best Reason Not to Feed Your Mogwai After Midnight Goes To… OJ Da Juiceman…The sacriest part about this is that with Gucci Mane going to jail, who’s going to keep this bug-eyed monster on lock? Wocka Flocka Flame? I mean, I’m sure Zach Galligan and Phoebe Cates need the work, but there isn’t a big enough microwave in the world to fry this little fucker.
The Turkey Award For Most in Need of Yung Berg-ing Goes To…Soulja Boy, for his black Lamborghini R/C Car Chain…Here at DX, we’d never be the ones to advocate theft. But if Trick-Trick somehow wound up with Beezy‘s most prized (and most telling of maturity level) chain in his posession, we’d be the first to openly applaud his efforts.
The Edo G “Be A Father To Your Child” Turkey Award Goes To… 50 Cent. Not only does he take Officer Ross‘ kids to Floyd Mayweather‘s mansion, but when Beanie Sigel starts bitching about getting his Roc allowance cut out, Fif adopts the Broad St. Bully and parlays some manufactured beef into anticipation for Before I Self Destruct.
The “I Let My 18 Year Old Assistant Pick The Guests For My Album” Turkey Award Goes To… Jay-Z. Remember when Jay was the trendsetter putting on new producers and making them the new standard? Instead of helping to bring the next Kanye, Just or Neptunes (all due respect to ODB and N.O.R.E.), he enlisted a gang of blog rappers to give him the rub with the youngsters.
The “We Waited A Decade For This?” Turkey Award Goes To… Rakim. The original god emcee returned with a vengeance in 1997 with The 18th Letter, but the glory was short lived when he dropped a dud in The Master two years later. A decade later, a Dre and Primo helmed album disintegrates and we end up with the barely passable Seventh Seal? We need Large Pro back on the ghost production.
The “I Never Learn My Lesson” Turkey Award Goes To… Royce Da 5’9″. He’s still one of our favorite rappers, but the man clearly has a short memory. His fan base forgave him the original Rock City debacle and Royce admitted to making a mistake by trying to go Pop. He tested patience again on Independents Day, but again all was forgiven. Yet on an album called Street Hop seemingly targeted right at his drooling underground fans, he once again pours the syrup on with songs like “Thing For Your Girlfriend” and “Far Away.” Enough with the R&B, just be the monster we know you are.
The Countdown to Your Coma Turkey Award Goes To…Lil Wayne. After The Carter documentary and just all around general public appearance of Weezy, we’re not sure if he’s coming or going. The only sobering moment we see with Wayne is when his cup is empty and that’s about once a year. If he keeps it up he’ll be nominated the Amy Winehouse How Are You Not Dead Yet? Award.
The “Stanley Kubrick: Can’t Stop Watching” Turkey Award Goes To…Nicki Minaj. We watch because of the body and the outfits. If you watch enough, you learn the words. If you hear any song more than 10 times, you’ll love. Welcome to the Young Money business plan.
The “Can I Get A Free Turkey Dinner?” Turkey Award Goes To…G-Dep. Turns out it wasn’t “Bad Boy For Life.” Several Central Park bench sightings, a crack-smokin’ rumor from Diddy, and a lot of rust on the buzz, and one of DX‘s all-time favorite Bad Boy artists caught a truly raw deal.
The You Lost To A Girl Turkey Award Goes To…Buckshot. After Nicki Minaj‘s BET freestyle, as soon as Buck followed he looked like a little cocktail frank standing there rhyming about nothing. They definitely did him a favor letting him spit and he thought he had the advantage following Nicki, instead he bought a ticket to his Sound Bwoy Burial.
Your Face is Slightly More Attractive Than the Chimpanzee Woman Turkey Award Goes To… Lil Kim. Her face is looking more and more like Gumby‘s after being caught in a rain storm. Second runner up is Sammy Sosa.
The “I Sold Less Records Than Tech N9ne” Turkey Award Goes To…Def Jam. The label that Hip Hop Honors and XXL magazine chose to recognize can’t seem a score a sale with a post-Jay-Z/Kevil Liles/Lyor Cohen artist. Playaz Circle, Triple C’s, Ace Hood… collectively couldn’t sell half of a hundred. Bad news.
The Bill Duke in Menace II Society “You know you done fucked up, right?” Turkey Award Goes To Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon. Why did they have to get him started? If the nominees for entertainment’s most random pairing had kept their mouth shut, everyone would’ve quietly forgotten about “Superman,” and let Marshall continue to fire playground insults at the tabloid magazine’s top 10 in his newfound Swedish accent. But no, the only man affiliated with Hip Hop to have a tramp stamp decided to call Eminem out. If Shady had no mercy on his own mom, what did you think he would do to Mariah? After he gave a detailed account allegedly emancipating Mimi, things got real quiet in the Carey-Cannon household.
1st Annual Turkey Awards: [click to read]
2nd Annual Turkey Awards: [click to read]
3rd Annual Turkey Awards: [click to read]
4th Annual Turkey Awards: [click to read]