It’s that time of the year again. The 4th Annual Turkey Awards are in effect and ready to hand out some
wonderful awards to those who tickled us with their often idiotic
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll laugh until you
cry and obviously you’ll call have nobody to blame but the people in question, and YOU – for helping write these in the digital suggestion box that is the message boards. Save a drumstick and throw it at the wack rapper. Happy Thanksgiving from DX.
The Turkey Award for “This is Too Inappropriate for Words”… Goes to R. Kelly for hopping on the “If I Were a Boy” remix. If you were a boy…you’d have no problem banging out teenage chicks? We’re just saying.
The Turkey Award for “Invisible Bully, Like The Gooch”… Trick Trick. Whether it’s rappers, bloggers or your grandmother coming out of the supermarket, nobody is safe from Trick Trick‘s reign of terror [click to read].
The Turkey Award for “WWE Smackdown”…Yung Berg. That Detroit beatdown/chain yapping [click to read], followed by another chin check from Maino [click to read], makes Berg the number one contender…for a two piece.
The Turkey Award for “Off-Duty Officer Award”…goes to Rick Ross. There were three fights at the Dirty Awards [click to read]. You could’ve at least pulled out your badge and made yourself useful.
The Turkey Award for “The Milhouse Van Houten, ‘But My Mom Says I’m Cool’”…Tyga. Before Yung Berg became the Hip Hop pinata, this baby shit-soft rapper was always on the business end of a chain-snatching [click to read]. It also didn’t help that he spent his advance check on gaudy, ugly cartoon chains. Lil Wayne – if he was ever coherent enough to witness this happen to his artist at all – would be shaking his head.
The Turkey Award for “I Still Think I’m A Star But No One Gives A Shit”…That’s you Damon Dash. Your relevance ended when Jay stopped shouting you out and putting you in his videos.
The Turkey Award for “Bamboozled”… Goes to Soulja Boy Tell Em. Slave master’s? [click to read]. Would you like to shout out David Duke while you’re at it? How about an iced-out noose?
The Turkey Award for “Max B: Biting The Hand That Feeds You”…Lil’ Wayne, who gets more love from mixtape deejays than anyone else…ever, sends a big fuck you to all of them [click to read]. Say no to syrup kids.
The Turkey-Sausage Award for “Wackest Beef”… Goes to Funkmaster Flex and Faizon Love from The Parent Hood. Since when does “Big Worm” from Friday become the voice of reason in Hip Hop?
The Turkey Award for “I Sold My Soul To The Devil For Success”…DJ Khaled, there is no other explanation as to why this guy has a career outside of yelling “we need change” to people passing by on the street.
The Turkey Award for “I’ve Been Bitten More Times Than A Vampire Victim”…M.I.A. Everybody from Kanye West to Sean Combs to no-names like NOE [click to read] was taking slices off of “Paper Planes” like it was a t-bone steak. even Stack Bundles was spotted on a “SLU” remix, and Stack Bundles isn’t even alive
The Turkey Award for “I’m Not Who You Think I Am”…Mos Def. Allegations of beating his stripper ex-girlfriend [click to read], beating up photographers [click to read], 6 kids with 4 women. Sorry conscious rap fans, he’s not your poster boy.
The Turkey Award for “Fuck All This Earthy, Conscious Shit”… Is a tie between ?uestlove and Common. ?uest finally makes Sasha Grey safe for work, and Com ditches the hand-knitted pants for an album of party music [click to listen]. That was the sound of 1 million collective okayplayer sighs.
The Turkey Award for “Edo G: Be A Father To Your Child Award”… Is for Scott Storch. No more Maybachs [click to read]…pay your damn child support.
The Turkey Award for “Look, I’ve Got Chin Pubes”…Lil Bow Wow. Cameos with Jenaveve Jolie on Entourage? Allegedly knocking up Superhead? It’s time to talk with our little man about the birds and the bees.
The Turkey Award for “Rapper Hit Hardest By The Recession”… Memphis Bleek. Shampoo commercials, really?
The Turkey Award for “Didn’t I See You On Cops”… Is for the one and only DMX [click to read]. Earl has all the earmarks of one of those perps on Cops: wifebeater (check), cocaine near the crime scene (check), that deranged look (check). Paging Officer Ross!
The Turkey Award for “I’m Rich, Bitch”…Nelly. Brass Knuckles [click to read], probably went brass. But he’s got Ford Flex, CSI, Jordan, Apple Bottoms, Charlotte Bobcats money, so he laughed all the way to the bank.
The Turkey Award for “No Homo, Double Pause”…It’s a tie between Shaquille O’Neal [click to read], and Ne-Yo. “Tell me how my ass tastes,” vs. “Three finger slap?” We say it’s a [salad] toss up.
The Turkey Award for “Why Can’t We Make Hits Anymore?”…A tie between 50 Cent and Scott Storch. The candy shop is closed.
1st Annual Turkey Awards: [click to read]
2nd Annual Turkey Awards: [click to read]
3rd Annual Turkey Awards: [click to read]